I have a creepy cougar crush on Justin Bieber.

It's true. It's a little pedophilic, in an "I'm-old-enough-to-be-your-mother" way, but I'm more than a little obsessed with him. I'm even contemplating going see the JB movie in the theaters by myself. (Any takers? I won't judge you, I promise. It can be a secret date.)

But I've got to be honest: the Biebs gets a haircut and it makes front-page news? You've got to be kidding me. I think even JB himself would agree that's a little ridiculous. Aren't there more important things going on in the world? Like Charlie Sheen waving around a machete?

Can you IMAGINE the pressure if your haircuts got front page news? It's terrifying enough to sit in that chair and let someone with pointy scissors come at your noggin full force. But what if the paparazzi were staring in at you through the window, documenting every inch snipped? You'd REALLY have to make sure you wore a long enough shirt so your plumber wouldn't show up on PerezHilton.com.

We've all had terrible haircuts in the past... (pixie cut, anyone?) and I'll tell you what, I wouldn't want that documented on CNN. It's bad enough that I have school pictures from every year of high school showcasing the veritable transformation of my locks through the ages. Poor Biebs. I don't think that Canadian munchkin alien superstar will ever be the same again. It must be one hell of a distorted reality to live in where your haircuts get front page news.