Thursday, March 3, 2011

Futon FAIL

Thanks to my mom, along with my varsity jacket and gaggle of carebears, I have reacquired the futon that was my makeshift bed throughout the slightly fuzzy years of college. But there was a problem: it wasn't assembled. And there were no directions. I mean, it's 10 years old, so I'm surprised it even has accompanying accessories. My sister brought me those in a plastic bag with the words "S - YOU NEED THIS" written on it. Thanksssss.

So yesterday I get on an energy kick on my lunch break and start piecing the mythical beast together.

I dump out the plastic bag onto the carpet and line up the contents: 3 long screws, 6 medium screws, 4 short screws, a buttload of nuts (that's what she said), a screwdriver, an allen wrench, and some pliers. Pliers? What the hell are those for? And how did we end up with only THREE long screws? I can already tell this spells disaster.

Perplexed, I sit on the carpet for several minutes surveying my project. The black frame lies in a menacing heap on the floor, the mismatched and oddly numbered screws lay strewn about, cackling at me.

What. the fuck.

One sweaty, bloody hour later, I stared at the rickety beast I had clumsily assembled and wrinkled my forehead in confusion. There were still 3 long screws, 6 medium screws, and a buttload of nuts on the carpet. I had managed to assemble the entire futon with only 4 short screws.

And I wouldn't DARE sit on the thing, it is bound to come crashing to the ground.

So as a temporary brace, I piled some of my heavy design books under the frame to reinforce it until K inevitably comes home to laugh at save me and reassemble it. I wish him luck.

The stack of books currently supporting the futon.

The buttload of nuts I'm left with AFTER the assembly. WTF?

This totally looks right.

Where I tried a medium screw instead of a short one, and ended up poking that mutha through the wood.


  1. Hahahha where's the picture?! PLEASE take a photo before it's reassembled!

    This should have had step by step photographs of failure!

    DIY is such fun! /sarcasm

  2. These are for you, Harley. Enjoy the idiocy of my assembling skills!