Jesus created the Double FOF

The most perfect food ever created by Jesus himself.

Every year at this time, the most delicious phenomenon shakes up the golden arches and brings a sparkle to my eyes (and stomach). It's Double Filet-o-fish season, beyotches! And to top it off, it's March, which means SHAMROCK SHAKES!

The Filet-o-fish (appropriately capitalized) is the central pillar to nutrition in my life. It feeds my soul. Nothing makes me happier than those tasty little squares of faux fish, a Kraft single and that delicious tartar sauce. One FOF is absolutely scrumptious, and a double is beyond comprehension. I am quite sure that in heaven, angels donning visors serve glistening trays towered high with piles of perfectly shaped filet-o-fishes. I think they were invented by Jesus himself. Who else could have created the most perfect food on the face of this planet? Surely, the guy behind the counter at McDonalds didn't do it. 

If I was on death row and asked what I wanted my final meal to be, I'd order one thousand double Filet-o-fishes, make myself a fort in my jail cell using the tartar as mortar, and try to eat my way out. That way, if I kicked the bucket from an FOF overdose, I would die the most delicious death you could possibly imagine.

And the perfect compliment to the perfect dinner? The shamrock shake. I just had my first shamrock shake last week. Unbelievable, I know. Let me tell you, I didn't know what I was missing. The green color was a bit of a turn off, I guess. But I am sincerely sorry that I judged you by your color, shamrock shake. I mourn the loss of all the years I have spent without your deliciousness in my life.

And so, while I respect everyone else giving up things for Lent, I will be doing the opposite and over-indulging in the most perfect food ever created, and probably sabotaging my own diet plan. Thanks, McDonalds! Happy Double FOF Season!