Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Open Sesame

I sat in my car with the engine running screaming obscenities at the garage door that refused to open with my magic button. It had been a long, stormy drive home from work and all I wanted was to get inside of my GD house.

Suddenly, I heard honking behind me and I quickly composed myself. My neighbor gestured for me to roll the window down, and told me the power was out. I waved a sheepish thank you and proceeded to walk around the house to manually unlock the front door.

Sure as shit, the power was out, and had been for some time. I changed into pajamas (yes, it was THAT kind of day) and sat on the couch. What the hell do you do when the power is out?

I knitted for about 15 minutes then grew bored. It's just not quite as much fun when the Real Housewives of the OC aren't there to join me.

Finally, I found an LED headlamp that K must use when he goes mining for coal, or some other such absurd thing, and decided I would start Fifty Shades of Grey. (I'm sorry, Lor... I had to see what the hype was about!)

And that is how I spent the rest of my evening: starfished on the couch, trying not to sweat on myself, reading porn with a headlamp on. Not creepy at all.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The Commute

I rolled the window down and felt the breeze blow through the car, through my hair. My antenna is broken so I only get 3 radio stations, so I went old school and popped in a danity Kane CD. (don't judge me.)

And as I drove, tired from a long day an lots of new information and faces, I smiled to myself. I felt so thankful for my life, for the people in it, for K's support and pitching in to help balance the work I'm unable to do from home during the day now. I'm thankful for this opportunity for change, for the chance to fight for my happiness and start a new career. That feeling of inertia I felt a few months ago is long gone. In its place is a lasting sense of contentment. I am SO thankful.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Pure, unadulterated hell

I gripped the armrest of my tiny window seat and fought the tears back. I could see the baggage guys loading bags down below and I fought the urge to fog up the window and etch "HELP ME."

It was hour 4.5 of the entire journey home from Phoenix, I was exhausted, and we were on an hour delay. It was one of those layovers where you're forced to stay on the plane, too.

There were two babies under a year old on the flight who were equally as unhappy to be stuck on this plane. A woman sat down next to me who wanted to know everything about me, kept peering over my shoulder to ask what I was reading, and inquired from start to finish about my game of words with friends. It was another full flight, elbow to elbow, and the mother of the two month old moved her seat to directly behind me before takeoff. The babies behind me echoed my unhappiness and played off of each other for the entire flight. When one would calm down, the other would start up.

It was pure, unadulterated hell.

When I finally got home at 2am last night, I threw my arms around K and have never been happier to be home. I think I'll stay home and postpone any cross country flights for awhile, at least unmediated.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

First day at the new job

I managed to slip off one shoe and sock in the car during the hour drive home yesterday. The other was, understandably, busy driving the car home from my first day at the new job.

I was exhausted, in a good way. It was a flurry of new faces, information, experiences. But I earned it myself.

I pulled into the drive, ready to change into pajamas and veg out on my couch to a little Fringe action (hello, pacey!) when I noticed Ks work truck already at the house.

He was in the kitchen, banging pans around, surprising me with dinner! I couldn't believe it. Then, I looked over at the table and noticed a fresh vase of flowers.

And I just burst into tears. When you start a new job, it feels like your whole world is flipped upside down. And the only stable thing in it seems to be your partner, and your friends an family. I can't tell you what's relief it is to have someone who is standing by me, encouraging and supporting me, so that I can devote all of my energy to the job. I feel so incredibly blessed to have him in my life. All of my friends and family, too. I really don't think I could do it without them. :)

Saturday, May 12, 2012

I might pee myself

Okay kiddies, this is it. Monday is my first day at the new job, and I am TERRIFIED.

One, I forget how to socialize. Working from home the last two years has severely eroded my social skills. I stutter and mumble and get all red in muh face, y'all.

B, I don't even know what to wear. I feel like it's my first day of school and I need to lay out my outfits for the week.

3, I have to go to AZ for training on Wednesday all by myself. And I hate flying.

So basically, this week is Be Brave boot camp for my socially inept self. Why do I feel like I won't sleep for the next week?

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Shut it, Chatty.

Yesterday I was on the elliptical at the gym, minding my business, when a man and a woman came over to my (generally peaceful) corner of the gym and started loudly gossiping about one of their mutual friends.
He was gay, she was his (loud and very annoying) lady friend, who didn't do one ounce of working out the entire time they were there.

He attempted to lift weights while she followed him and talked his ear off about said mutual friend and her low dating standards. He walked over to the free weights, she followed him. He walked over to the lat pulldown machine... she followed him. He walked over to the treadmill... well, you get the picture.

But when he got on the treadmill, she announced that she was too tired to work out and was going home.

I'm sure she was tired, running her mouth like that.

I wanted to hurl my water bottle at both of them and tell them to shutty.

But I refrained, and instead made passive aggressive sneers while I re-read the same sentence for the seventh time in my book.

Why get a gym membership? You just need an unlimited phone plan, Chatty.

Friday, May 4, 2012

I can't keep up with you kids and your technology.

You GUYS. Last week, I finally bit the bullet, joined the world of fancy high tech gadgets, and bought myself an iPhone. (To go with my fancy new job, of course. I can't let those young art directors show me up.)

I waited patiently for a whole week, checking the mailbox each day like he was bringing my Red Ryder secret decoder.

Finally, a Santa dressed all in brown with very manly shorts dropped off a package on my doorstep. I hid behind the door and waited until the truck pulled away, eyes gleaming.

When I opened the box, angels sang.

K was my first call; he knew I'd been patiently awaiting my new bundle of joy for days.

"Hey honey! How is your new phone?"
"Why?? What's wrong?"
"Honey... did you take the plastic covering off of the speaker?" 

I don't know if I'm ready for all of this, you guys. Should people who sleep with giant carebears be allowed to have iPhones?