Last Day of Being 27

The Carebears are ready to party!

This is it, kiddies! My last day of being 27. Tomorrow, I turn 28 and the world changes. It makes me think about how I've spent the last year of my life, and the things I'm grateful for.

In the last year, there were tough times. For the first time in my life, I let go of people who were toxic in my life. I lost my uncle to cancer and had to put a kitty down. I faced death head-on, had to play God and choose it, and it made me realize that while it's a sad and devastating part of life, I'm not so afraid of it anymore. I'm stronger than I thought I was.

But there were more beautiful moments than there were sad ones, and out of tragedy there was inspiration, too. My sister got engaged, my brother got engaged, friends have have welcomed children into the world, and I got to see my family be put back together. I'm so incredibly blessed to have the life I do, to be surrounded with good friends, family and people who love me unconditionally.

In this last year, I think I've started to become more aware of my strengths and weaknesses, how I want to live my life and who I want to be surrounded by. I had to be incredibly honest with myself and recognize that I've been a pushover. I've let people walk all over me and I pointed fingers and played the victim. I didn't speak up when I should have, didn't tell people how I was truly feeling. And really, that makes me a liar. I've held this sarcastic outer shell as a defense to hide what I was really feeling, and I became damn good at it, too. My sarcasm makes me who I am, but I need to be open, sincere and honest, too. It only took me 27 years to realize that.

I have so many AMAZING things to look forward to this year of my life: my brother's wedding, being a part of my sister's wedding, welcoming a brother and a sister into my family, and seeing friends bring their own children into the world. And I get to do it all with the most incredible man by my side. And now that I'm finally starting to realize the way I want to live my life, I can't wait to see what the next year has in store :)

An Inappropriate Christmas

Well, kiddies, I hope you all had a lovely holiday with your families and drank enough eggnog to drown out the sounds of the Yule Log on TV.

Mine and K's families spent Christmas together, and if you've read enough of this blog to know how many times I use the f-word daily, you can imagine it was quite the inappropriate scene.

So this year, to follow up last Thanksgiving's table-wide chant of "What WHAT? IN THE BUTT!" (Yes, both mine and K's mom joined in. You should see this shit, we're like the fucking Partridge Family.)

"I said: What what? (In the butt)"

With K, his brother and sister there and their mom present at the dinner table, I proclaimed that I got triple points for your mom jokes. It's like Shotgun, you have to be in the presence of said mom. Points are multiplied by number of siblings present. K and his siblings missed out on the double XP once my sister and JB left for the evening. TFB, bitches!

We sat at the end of the long table so as not to disturb others with our inappropriate chatter. It didn't really work, because every time I quipped "that'swhatshesaid," the rest of the table went silent. Naturally.

Half way through the prime rib, K's younger brother decided to play the penis game and yell "FELLATIO" instead. He won that game, since I didn't have the balls to yell it louder, and my respect for him grew three times that day.

Because after all, is it really Christmas without the Penis game?

Douchebag Kids

K and I were at the drive in the other day, parked next to a frazzled mom in a convertible with three kids under the age of 8 crawling on the outside of her Sebring like ants on a Hostess cupcake. You could see the exasperation in her face, and as her daughter blew a monkey face on the outside of her windshield, she turned as red as a beet and yelled: "GET YOUR ASS IN THIS CAR OR WE ARE GOING HOME!"

She had absolutely lost it.

Which made me think (and suddenly become very nervous) about having kids.

I have QUESTIONS. And concerns.

Like... what if your kid grows up to be someone you don't even LIKE? Mean, obnoxious, racist, or homophobic?? I'd like to believe that your child takes on your own open-hearted views, but in truth, though they are your spawn, they are separate human beings who develop their own views based on their own life experiences.

To be completely honest, I think I am just too damn selfish right now to have kids. There are a multitude of things I want to do before I devote my life to the creation and upbringing of another, and I'm just not ready to give them up yet. Like laying on the couch for nine hours straight watching Lifetime Original Movies and eating a gallon of icecream. Or reading my book uninterrupted. Or even watching what I want on TV, not Spongebob Squarepants. And based on my friend's post about the perils of grocery shopping with 2 kids under 2, I now have a newfound appreciation for going to the Price Chopper all by myself.

I often think that I'm not old enough to take care of MYSELF; how will I take charge of another human?

I know that when the time comes, I'll be totally psyched. K and I both WANT kids, and I know it will be awesome when it happens.

I just hope they aren't douchebags.

Does anybody else worry about things like this??

I'm not dead, and a high five to the mitten state

K and I on the beach :)

I'm back kiddies! I swear I'm not dead. I just took a little roadtrip vacay to the mitten to visit my dad.

My dad lives on the west side of the mitten state, in the coolest place on the planet: Silver Lake. So we decided to travel through Canada and across the mitten to get there.

We thought going through Justin Bieber's home country would make the trip shorter. We were wrong. Fourteen hours and two frustrating stops at the border later, we were in the mitten. Canada, do we LOOK like we're trying to smuggle drugs in our cooler? Pipe it down.

Niagara Falls -- gorgeous!

We stopped in Niagara Falls for a night to break up the trip, which helped. (And was beautiful!) But I forgot how frustrating it is to travel through a foreign country, even if it is Canada. Our credit cards wouldn't work at the gas pumps, and trying to convert miles to kilometers to figure out the speed limit was a challenge. (Come on, you know I'm bad at math!)

We finally arrived in the mitten state, and the week was wonderful. It was great to spend some quality time with my dad and stepmom, and my stepsister and her son even stopped by for the weekend. It was so awesome.

K and TJ, playing in the water :)

K and TJ especially seemed to hit it off, and he has since become known as "the guy with the beard."

We spent most of the rainy week just talking and catching up, and then we made it to the beach for the last day, which was awesome!

I forgot how much it centers you to be around family. I think I needed this trip more than I realized.

We finally had to say our goodbyes and make the long journey back home. The trip back took us about 16 hours, and we were exhausted when we got home. But it was SO worth it.

The Big Day is HERE! It's Muh Birfday.

Carebear Birthday Party!

The big day is here, kiddies! It's muh birfday. The big 2-7. One year closer to 30, and another time to reflect on all the awesome things about my life.

Awesome thing #1: Some people get nostalgic about their teen years, but now that I'm 27, I don't have to deal with curfews, awkward dates, being grounded for spending the night over at Sarah's house, getting arrested for underaged drinking, PE class, or having to get permission to do pretty much anything. It's pretty phenomenal.

Awesome thing #2: I think with age, I'm starting to care a little less about what people think of me. Just a little. And I'm starting to find the middle ground of being honest with people and retaining my dignity. Maybe everyone goes through this, but it's taken me 26 27 years. It feels pretty damn good!

Awesome thing #3: I have the best bf ever. I know, it probably makes you want to barf, but trust me, there were a lot of not awesome dates before I met this guy. He makes me laugh, he loves the me that I love, and he sews me new pink gingham pillows when mine bust open in the washing machine. I am so incredibly thankful to have finally found him. It was worth the quarter-century wait.

Awesome thing #4: My sister and my future brother in law live in New York now. I can't tell you how awesome it was to be able to go out and spend my birthday with them last weekend; it has been almost 5 years since we have been able to do that, unless we flew back and forth. She is like a more mature, fabulous version of me (even though I am older) and she has always and will always be there for me, no matter what. I love her SO much.

Awesome thing #5: I'm lucky enough to have four parents who love me a LOT. They have been there for me through everything, and I love them all so much. I miss them now that we live in different states, but I'm looking forward to talking to them today :)


Awesome thing #6: I have some of the best friends you could ever EVER ask for. I love each and every one of you, and I'm so thankful to have you in my life. You make me smile, you pick me up when I'm down, and you listen when I need to talk. Love you all SO MUCH.

So kiddies, I think I will spend my day talking with all the people I love and reminiscing about the days when we weren't 3 years from 30. (yikes!) Thanks for reading my blog, this thing has been even more awesome than I ever thought it would be... and I appreciate that so many people care about what I have to say. Stay tuned for the post-weekend wrap up on Monday about the birthday weekend adventure we have planned!

Spring Break '98

Okay, so this weekend my aunt and uncle were SO incredibly kind and drove a moving van full of my sister's stuff all the way from Michigan so she and her bf can move into their new apartment, and sleep on something other than an aerobed. What I didn't know was that tucked in between the tupperware and towels was a secret timecapsule back to 1998. (Thanks Mom!)

My mom had sent boxes of goodies with my photo albums, my high school diploma, and secret photos from spring break with my high school girlfriends that I thought had been (or SHOULD have been) lost forever. There were also my baby books, and some other dusty artifacts from the early 80's that I got a good laugh out of. I thought you would too. So on this snowy Tuesday, let this blast from the past warm your soul, and make you want to get out your scrunchies and put your hair in a side pony. You're all welcome.

My first Christmas, back in 1985... look at that tinsel!

To Santa Clas.

Drawing I sent to Santa. See, I was an artist even at 5.

First grade. Check out that hot pink side pony!

Eighth grade. I can't believe I'm even sharing this. The photographer made me laugh mid-shot, okay?

Empty Nest

Well, it has finally happened, guys. My little birdies have flown the nest. After 3 months of staying with us, my sister and her boyfriend found a place of their own. Now that they are both grown ups with awesome jobs, they have moved about an hour away to be closer to work. And I am SO incredibly happy for them to have their own place, but I miss them. A lot.

For one, my sister is a master chef and cooked us dinner all the time. I'll admit it, I got a little spoiled. Now, (when K isn't here--because he cooks amazing meals for me when he is) I'll have to go back to macaroni and cheese and Hot Pockets for dinner.

And as much as I enjoy my solitude, I will CERTAINLY miss having people here when K is traveling for work to enjoy my trashy reality TV with. Yelling at Amber Portwood on Teen Mom is just not the same when nobody is around to hear your screams. And who will get up from the couch to retrieve my slippers when I throw them at the TV?

But, I must say--after almost 5 years of living in different states, I am SO thankful to have them so close to me. They are both family, and having them here makes my life in NY even more awesome. Plus, when K got home last night, he got me some gorgeous flowers because he knew I was down. And the kitties have been extra snuggly too. I am such a lucky girl :)

LOM Day

Pajamas were the uniform of the day today. We stocked up on the essentials: pizza rolls, mozzarella sticks, cheetos, chicken nuggets, french fries, and ice cream. I know, I know... I'll start the diet next week, I swear. This was an emergency. It was LOM Day.

LOM Day (Lifetime Original Movie Day) is a sacred tradition in our family, and since my sister and I both had the day off, (and my little birdies will soon be fleeing my proverbial nest to get their own apartment) we molded custom butt crevices into the couch, donned our PJs and Snuggie slippers, and spent the day bringing justice to wife-killers, psychopathic stalkers and teenaged bullies.

The good people at Lifetime were kind enough to provide us with a superb lineup: "Total Stranger," "Rivals," and "Black Widower." We laughed, we cried, we threw empty pop bottles and crumpled bags of cheetos at the television.

These are the moments I have missed out on, not having lived in the same state as my sister for the past 5 years. And I have to say that it feels damn good to be able to do these things together again. My waistline is a little pissed, but I've nestled the perfect crator into my couch and I got to spend the perfect day with my sister.

LYLAS

When you're in elementary school, you judge who your best friend is by who sits next to you on the bus and shares your snack pack. In middle school, it's who's mom's van you ride in to the dance. In high school, it's who you are in classes with, and who you party with on the weekends. In college, it's the friends you're lucky enough to have kept from high school, and the new friends you make through some serious life experiences with them, bonding over the great times you have at the frat parties and Saturday morning tailgates. And in the post-college years, your friendships are measured by who you'll choose for your bridal party.

Today is my best friend and college roommate Kristin's birthday. We live in different states now, but I'll never forget how we met going in blind as roommates in college, and the amazing friendship we developed. It made me think about the changing nature of friendships through your twenties.

Most girls that I know, whether in a relationship or not, have their bridal party stacked in the back of their minds. Through the years, girls move in and out of the circle, you lose touch and they move to the outer circles of friendship, or they surprise you and you become closer friends, moving back into the circle. It's not a race, or a competition. For me, it's simply tangible evidence of how your friendships change through the years.

I like to think that I've made peace with the path my friendships have taken. I've had some amazing friends who I am extremely close with, and am lucky enough to still remain close with. I've had some great friendships that, after college, jobs, moving, etc., we have lost touch a bit. But there is a mutual understanding there: we will always be in each other's hearts, even if we don't talk on a regular basis. This is exemplified by random, nostalgic facebook postings of "Hey, remember that time we stopped at that party on Beal Street at 3am, and you woke up sleeping in the lobby of our dorm?" There are friends I've made in my adult life, some of whom I have become closely bonded with--people who I tell everything to, share things that are going on in my life, and there are friends who have grown distant through time; we've fallen out of touch for one reason or another.

I've found that the friendships that I've been able to remain close with have been maintained with minimal effort. Those people have organically come into my life and stayed there, they've become my family. I can picture five, ten years down the road, all of us married with kids, taking vacations together, merging our families as we get older. These are the relationships I can't ever see myself letting go of. And sometimes there are the friendships that challenge us, maybe hurt us, and don't come as easily as others. You fall in and out of touch with these people, but your friendships with them teach you a lot about your character, integrity, and who you are as a person.

I feel incredibly lucky to have the people in my life that I do. All of you hold a special place in my heart, and always will. And I think no matter what happens in the coming years, each person is put into your life for a reason, whether that reason is immediately clear or not. And I feel honored to have had so many amazing people in mine.

Last Day of 2010!

It's the last day of 2010! It makes you look back on your year and wonder where the time has gone. I think especially when you're happy, time flies faster. I know there were years when I wasn't so happy that the days seemed to tick by agonizingly.

I think about how I've spent my last year and the people I've surrounded myself with--I feel extremely lucky to have them all in my life. I think for a long time I've taken them for granted. Things were just handed to me, and my life continued as it were. I began to expect things, and I think I lost sight of how they can be taken away from you in the blink of an eye.

I'm so lucky to have such an amazing family, as dysfunctional as we all are. This past year I've seen a reconciliation between my family over a 13-year-long feud. I can end this year saying that I have a lot of people back in my life that I truly missed, and I plan on working on the relationships to keep it that way. I am lucky enough to have two sets of parents that love me; a sister who is my best friend, an awesome stepbrother, a boyfriend who has absolutely changed my life and the way I look at it. I have an aunt and uncle who have taken me in as one of their own; cousins who have adopted me as their sister, and a few amazing friends who I consider actual family.

I think it's been easy for me to focus on those things that have gone wrong this year. And trust me, there have been some. But the truth of the matter is that I am incredibly lucky to have all of these people in my life, to have a job that I enjoy, to live in a happy home, and to wake up every morning knowing that I have everything I need to survive and be happy in life.

I love you all like family, thank you for being there for me and making my life richer with your sass and awesomeness. I can't wait to see what next year brings for us.

Happy New Year!