Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Douchebag Kids

K and I were at the drive in the other day, parked next to a frazzled mom in a convertible with three kids under the age of 8 crawling on the outside of her Sebring like ants on a Hostess cupcake. You could see the exasperation in her face, and as her daughter blew a monkey face on the outside of her windshield, she turned as red as a beet and yelled: "GET YOUR ASS IN THIS CAR OR WE ARE GOING HOME!"

She had absolutely lost it.

Which made me think (and suddenly become very nervous) about having kids.

I have QUESTIONS. And concerns.

Like... what if your kid grows up to be someone you don't even LIKE? Mean, obnoxious, racist, or homophobic?? I'd like to believe that your child takes on your own open-hearted views, but in truth, though they are your spawn, they are separate human beings who develop their own views based on their own life experiences.

To be completely honest, I think I am just too damn selfish right now to have kids. There are a multitude of things I want to do before I devote my life to the creation and upbringing of another, and I'm just not ready to give them up yet. Like laying on the couch for nine hours straight watching Lifetime Original Movies and eating a gallon of icecream. Or reading my book uninterrupted. Or even watching what I want on TV, not Spongebob Squarepants. And based on my friend's post about the perils of grocery shopping with 2 kids under 2, I now have a newfound appreciation for going to the Price Chopper all by myself.

I often think that I'm not old enough to take care of MYSELF; how will I take charge of another human?

I know that when the time comes, I'll be totally psyched. K and I both WANT kids, and I know it will be awesome when it happens.

I just hope they aren't douchebags.

Does anybody else worry about things like this??


  1. Your kids won't be douchebags. It's all about your ability to love AND discipline. Did the monkey face girl get in the car? And if not, DID they go home? Food for thought.

  2. Monkey girl did not get in the car, and they did not go home. She did, however, keep coming up to my window and asking me what my name was.

  3. Exactly. Empty threats don't get you anywhere.

  4. I'm the same way. I love and want kids, but I feel like I will always be in a state of arrested development. That kind of makes me nervous about the prospect of having kids.