Boating School: Crap that you need to know if you want to stay out of dolphin jail.

We got a BOAT! An honest-to-Jesus, real life boat. With an engine and EVERYTHING.

So it's fourth of July weekend and we decided we wanted to take that boat out. We drove to a nearby lake to check out the boat launch facilities, and stopped in our tracks when we read the sign that said: Y'ALL NEED TO GO TO SCHOOL. NOW.

Boating school. Where we have to learn to be boat drivers.

What?? How fucking hard can it be? Green means go. Don't run over swimmers. There's not even any brakes on that mutha.

But we had to, so we did. We spent our 2 year anniversary sitting side-by-side in the upstairs office on separate computers, completing an obnoxious online boaters safety course. And making inappropriate comments about round bottom hulls and cockpits.

And it was HILARIOUS, y'all. Lots of detailed illustrations and exaggerated instances designed to scare the crap out of you:

Thank you for clarifying how the accident occurs.

Circle of Death!! NOOOO.

Gorgeous detailed illustrations and interactive capabilities.

TOOT TOOOT.

Jesus, Jimmy--why did you go boating with your jeans on??

We still have two hours left in the course to finish tonight. I'm sure it will be chock full of exciting information and illustrations. But after we're done, we can totally be captains of ships and shit.