Friday, March 4, 2011


I can't keep up with you kids and your technology. Yesterday I tried to figure out the magic of the twitter machine, and it made me feel like an 80-year-old woman instead of 27. What the hell is all of this business? 140 characters? Hash tags? Trending? @ symbols?

The only reason I started to figure it out in the first place is because I wanted to see the crazy ass rants that Charlie Sheen had to offer. He reached one million followers in 24 hours. 24 HOURS! That's unreal. And it totally makes sense, because he has branded himself as one crazy ass mutha in a matter of days. And his tweets are unmatched in entertainment value.

I guess it's like dangling a toy in front of a baby to get it to learn how to walk. I just needed some motivation to learn the twitter machine. Carlos Estevez was it.

But it brought about a series of questions from my end. First of all, how is anyone supposed to summarize all of the verbal vomit they have to unleash on the world of the internets in 140 characters? It practically FORCES you to use bad grammar and punctuation, which gives me a migraine even thinking about it. I'm a grammar whore, if you haven't noticed.

What the hell is this trending thing? It's like reading hieroglyphics. Number signs and followers... it's all so damn confusing. I finally understand that the trending thing is basically a topic that people link to in their posts to join the "conversation". Like #tigerblood. Or #twittersucks. Or #hashtagsarefuckingstupid.

I still don't understand how to make friends on twitter. You follow someone, but they might not follow you back. On facebook, it's easy. Cut and dry. "Add as Friend." On twitter, it's a grey area. Because are you really friends with someone if they don't follow YOU? It's like a loveless marriage.

And Retweets? Is that a reply to someone's comment on the Tweeter? But there's also an option to Reply.

Honestly, my almost 30-year-old head is spinning just trying to comprehend the innerworkings of the twitter machine. But I'll tell you one thing: If Charlie Sheen keeps spitting his crazy twitter babble, I'm going to learn it if it kills me.

Feel free to follow me on my journey through the twitmachine:


  1. I'm following you!

    As a twitter veteran (just checked. I have made 4,438 inane 140-character word-vomits about my life so far) I can tell you that retweets are for when you see something that you think is funny/true/ridiculous and you want to forward it on to everyone on your friends list. So basically it's like forwarding an e-mail!

  2. Harley, thanks for following me--and for the Twitter lesson. I have a feeling I'll need many more in coming weeks!

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