Thursday, March 24, 2011

Severe Violation of the Pillow Fortress

I have spent the last couple of weeks recovering from the injured back, and plotting how to avoid further injury and channel the cats into appropriate sleeping spots so I don't have to perform a double back handspring in order to get out of bed in the morning.

See, here's how it normally goes down. I go to bed laying on my right side, arms stretched out in front of me, left knee raised for added support. I've got Cheer Bear and Heart Po cuddled up, and my water glass on the table next to me in case I wake up parched. All is well in the peaceful world of slumber.

When I wake UP, it's a whole different scenario. I'm paralyzed by three furry weights pinning me to the bed in whatever position I've been unlucky enough to fall asleep in. Generally, my water glass is knocked over, a puddle dripping from the nightstand onto the carpet, telltale paw prints leaving a trail from the glass to the bed. I can't breathe from all of the fur settling in my nose. Gwennie nestles RIGHT up against my left side, Loki snuggles right up in between my legs, and Linus just sprawls out across the entire king sized bed... because he is a giant dog cat and is twice the size of a regular cat.

So last night I got clever. I built myself a pillow fortress against my left side, hoping this would re-route the kitties into sleeping over on K's side. Gwen fell into place like a good kitty right before I drifted off, and I was hopeful for the other two. What I awoke to was nothing short of a severe violation of the Pillow Fortress.

The first thing I noticed was that the pillows from my carefully constructed pillow fortress were thrown on the ground. The second thing I noticed was that Gwennie was nestled sweetly on K's side of the bed still, obeying the outlines of the rules and regulations of the Pillow Treaty. The third thing I became painfully aware of was that I was once again immobilized from my left and right sides. Linus was curled up between my legs in a 17-pound anchor of fur. When I tried to move my legs, he didn't even budge. I had to pull my knee up to my chest and manually move it around him in order to even further assess the situation. When I rolled over onto my back, I felt a puff of fur up around my neck, and realized that Loki had found a way around the pillow fortress... directly onto my main pillow. He was even partially tucked under the fortress. I had to pick him up and move him over to the other side of the bed (no doubt that was awesome for my back) and get out of bed that way. None of the kitties were pleased about this new arrangement.

So what's a girl to do? I have tried everything I can think of to keep the kitties from smothering me into a straight jacket slumber, and I just can't seem to outsmart them. Those scheming rascals. Maybe next time I'll let them have the big bed and I will sleep in one of the TWO OTHER queen sized beds in this house. That seems like a reasonable compromise.


  1. I think it's a cat thing. My cat takes over my WHOLE BED. Or at least that's how it seems.

  2. Most of the time we don't let our cats sleep in our room. They can't stay still for an entire 8 hours and it never ends well.

    They know the routine. When it gets to be about 11:00pm, they find nice spots in the living room and then when it is morning time, they're sooo happy to see us. (Grace expresses this feeling by yelling loudly until we feed her).

    What would happen if you kicked them out?

  3. Unfortunately, if we kick them out and close the door, Linus will claw at the carpet until we open it. It's totally my own fault for not disciplining him properly when he started those shennanigans.

  4. Reason #312 why it's good to practice on cat children before having human children.

  5. Cats will always do that. What you need to do is get a fleece blanket and make it into a fuzzy little nest in appropriate areas of the bed and then encourage them to sleep in there while you're settling down for the night. They just might oblige.

  6. Quit whining and enjoy your kids. You jerk.

    juuuust kidding. I also know this game, except I get pinned down by the hair and wake up to paws in my mouth. I <3 catz.

  7. HAHA... so true, Emily. Jennie--I might just have to try that. I'm pretty desperate at this point! And Sandra... I hope you wake up with four paws in yo mouf tomorrow.