Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Tree Planters Do Not Babysitters Make

Another classic police report from the awesome city of Bozeman, Montana:

"A caller reported seeing a woman put a child in a tree planter outside a gym and then go into a casino around 12:45 p.m."

Dear Single and Simple-minded Mom,

I understand that you're trying to get your afternoon chores done. I imagine it's hard being a single mom, trying to get your fitness on, staying in shape so you can pick up hot young cubs looking for a MILF later at the club. I feel your pain, sister--I really do.

I'm curious about what you did with your baby while you were in the gym though? Did you put him on the treadmill next to you while you worked it out? Strapped him to the console and played peak-a-boo while you jogged (soft 'j')? These are the details I'm concerned about. Maybe he held your water bottle while you took a little time on the elliptical. I don't know.

After your workout, you came outside, proud of your accomplishment for the day and realized you had a few hours to kill before you had to go home and put the kiddie to bed, so you thought you'd try your luck and see if you could win a few million before you went home. But crap--you have the baby WITH you. He's not 18, you can't put him to work at the blackjack table just yet. What to do?

You came outside--took a look around, assessed your surroundings, and decided the most logical place to put your child while you went in for a little casino action was a tree planter? Why not a trash can? Or a car seat? You could have at least left him in a stroller so he could chillax while you got your gamble on.

So lady, I sure hope it was worth it. I hope you won just enough money so you can afford a nanny (or maybe an adoption service) so that you can continue your healthy gambling addiction. At least then he can sit home and watch Teletubbies while you're out running your "errands".

Best of luck!


  1. this is terrible! how can anyone honestly fathom the idea of doing this?? thanks for this letter to this person. hope to god she reads it somehow. jeeeeez. do you have more of these? ha they're quite entertaining :P

  2. Thanks for the comments, Kandice! And oh yes, I certainly do have more of these--I promise to share. Gotta love life in a small town!