Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Hilariously Bad Date #4: Leather Pants Designer Guy

Before K, there were many (MANY) bad dates. I read a blog post today that reminded me of how shitty those times were. It also reminds me how lucky I am to have found someone awesome. But really, who wants to read about how happy you are? People want the dirty dirt. The dark ages. B.K., as I like to call them. (Before K.) So I give the people what they want. Jump into my time machine and relive my dark days of dating.

Hilariously bad date #4: Leather Pants Designer Guy

In my darkest of days, I did the online dating thing. Plenty of fish my ass. More like plenty of nonsense. But in all honesty, don't knock it 'til you've tried it if you're having a hard time and want to try to meet people. I think it can work great if you're open minded (and VERY careful/safe.) It's hard to meet people when you're so busy with work and shiz.

So I found myself emailing back and forth with a guy who claimed he was a furniture designer, just moved to the rural upstate area where my office once was, and we chatted about design stuff.

Chatting about design stuff. That should have been my first clue that this was not the man of my dreams.

We talked graphic design, fonts, computers, geeky stuff, (which at the time was really the way to my heart since I am a ginormous nerd.) Though I was skeptical, he seemed like a nice person and we decided to meet for coffee one day just to see if we hit it off.

I talked to my sister the entire drive there, it was a safe parking lot with a Starbucks in it, and lots of people around. It was also far from both my apartment and my office, which I found comfort in. I parked a few rows back facing the entrance so that I could see when he walked in, scope out the scene, so to speak.

A few people walked in and out before I spotted him.

Holy. Hell. He was wearing leather pants. TIGHT, tapered leather pants.

I described the bloody scene to my sister and started my car to drive away. No way in hell I was going in there. My sister calmed me down and said that while she supported my decision if I wanted to leave, how upset would we have been if someone did that to me?

Damn her and her morals. My guilt complex kicked in, I hung up with her and I turned off my car in disgust. We decided we'd give it 40 minutes and she was going to call me with a heart-stopping emergency that would require my immediate departure from said date.

I walked in, already pissed, but tried to make small talk with the guy. He was nice enough, and paid for my coffee, which I appreciated. He then complimented my purse. The ornate details of the metal clasp on my purse.

Thanks? I guess he really was a furniture designer. Or gay. Really, either way it was a lose-lose.

We sat down and resumed somewhat easy talk about design-related things. We talked about programs, learning Flash, frustrating client trouble... and that was it.

All business talk, no personal.

But apparently, he was feeling it much more than I was. Near the end of the date, we walked out to our cars and he said that it was great meeting me and he'd love to go out again. I couldn't lead him on any further, when I really didn't feel a connection to his bad fashion sense and attention to detail. I said to him, "yes--it's always great to meet new friends, you know?"

I felt terrible, but it had to be said. This date was doomed from the first gleam of sunshine off of those ridiculously shiny pants.

We said our goodbyes and he never called again. Sometimes you just have to break it to them gently, but directly. I hope that Leather Pants found the hipster woman of his dreams. Maybe they started a furniture/purse company together and live happily in their leather-clad mansion. Who knows.

1 comment:

  1. hahahah this is kind of hilarious :) and the picture to go along with? i will forever think of this story and see that man as the one you dated. shiny pants? who would wear those on a date? this is just so great :) thanks so much for sharing!

    i hope he found his true love too