A man wearing a green sweater and a golf hat and holding a golf club was harassing people at a downtown restaurant. When police tried to restrain the man, he ran through the restaurant's kitchen, "destroying property." He was Tasered and arrested in the alley behind the restaurant.
Dear Tiger,
I know life has been getting you down lately. I'm sure it's frustrating that you didn't get to don that green jacket at the Masters. But to get drunk and harass patrons at a local restaurant with your clubs? You're better than that.
You must have been drunk, right? Otherwise why would you wear a green sweater and a golf hat to a restaurant. What were you saying to those patrons that got them upset? Did you try to sit down at a stranger's table and asked them to touch your club? Comment on how fat his wife has gotten? Maybe you asked to take a bite of his steak? I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here.
I know times are tough, my promiscuous friend. But when you saw the police come into the restaurant, you decided to go down in a blaze of glory, dashing through the kitchen towards freedom, swinging your club at pots, pans and frozen bags of french fries on your way out the door.
Too bad they caught you in the alley and tasered you, bringing your reign of terror to a ceasing halt. I was really rooting for you to finish what you had started up in that motha.
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