Thursday, February 24, 2011

Be quiet.

I have forgotten how to be quiet. I've forgotten how to listen, how to conjure up those feelings of peace and happiness without needing an outside catalyst.

In the past year, I've allowed things to get me down, and I need to remember how to get to the place where they don't bother me anymore.

I remember a moment six years ago, riding on a train through Italy. I was in a lot of turmoil--I had left a bad relationship, my heart was broken. I was trying to figure out how to heal myself on a seven week journey backpacking through Europe. It wasn't why I left, but it was an underlying theme throughout the trip. I had tried to block it out--the bad memories, all of the pain. Nothing seemed to help. I spent weeks trying to forget what had happened. Then, there was this moment on the train--I was listening to Lifehouse on my ipod, watching the gorgeous scenery go by, the dim sounds of excited conversation surrounding me in a pillow of solitude. And it was then that I had the glowing moment of happiness, and I realized how lucky I was. To have this opportunity to travel, to be on this adventure of a lifetime, meeting amazing friends. Suddenly--I just knew that everything would be okay. My friend Vic took this picture of me in that moment, the perfect moment. I'll be forever grateful to him for that.

Me, on a train in Italy.
I miss the clarity of that solitude, the brightness of that glow that rises up inside of you when you realize you are the luckiest person in the world. When you're thankful for the beautiful little things in life: a sunset, a cup of coffee, the two-hour conversation I had with my Dad yesterday, singing in my car at the top of my lungs, and the smile on K's face when I catch his eye across a crowded room.

I am the luckiest girl in the world.

I think remembering how to be quiet will follow. Maybe meditation, or a yoga class will help. Or maybe K and I should take off for another seven weeks to Europe...

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