I had a hot date with Lisa Vanderpump and the gang again tonight. This time, it was the reunion show. (I'm behind on the DVR, okay? Birthday weeks are very busy!) What really struck me though was Kyle's reaction to everything. She's a spitfire, that's for sure. She says things right off the top of her head, and she doesn't give a shit who knows it. In some ways, I envy that about her. I'm passive-aggressive by nature, and I hate conflict more than cat poop on my carpet. I'm also a people pleaser, to boot. Maybe that's why I take out all of my sarcastic aggression on my blog, where nobody can chase after me with a baseball bat.
It must feel good, to just blurt out what you're thinking. Just spit it out, no filter. To say whatever comes to mind, not care who it hurts or what kind of consequences you'll face. And while I think there are some very theraputic advantages to spouting off at the proverbial mouth, I see the remorse in Kyle's eyes for some of the things she's said. And I'm reminded once again why I am better off finding a happy medium between being a complete bitch and the rug under people's feet.
Over the years, I've had to learn to stand up for myself in more ways than one. I've been put to the test in friendships and in relationships. And while I'm not afraid to look someone in the eye and tell them what I'm really feeling, I think there is a difference between heated confrontation and tactful conversation. And for the last 26 years I've been struggling to find a balance there. What I think I need to work on is telling people how I actually feel, but in a way that doesn't give me an anger hangover the next morning, regretting things I've said (or thrown.)
But I have to say that sometimes all I really want to do is cave into my childish and self-indulgent desires and make a list of all the people and things that piss me off, write it on my facebook status in all caps with seven exclamation points and a big sad face at the end, and wait for the sympathetic comments to follow. Everyone else does it, right? Maybe there's something to it!