Friday, March 16, 2012

Where the hell does my neighbor go?

Let's play a fun game. It's called: where the hell does my neighbor go?

There it is, in all its loud, obnoxious glory,
stuffed to the gills with useless crap.
He moved in next door 4 months ago, and took it upon himself to claim a space in OUR driveway for his '94 Toyota Corolla station wagon, which is filled to the brim with useless bags and other crap.

It wouldn't be a problem, except that his muffler is broken. So each morning, the ground rattles and windows shake in announcement of his departure. He is home all day except for intervals during which he does mystery activities that take approximately 14 minutes to accomplish.

6:17am: leaves.
6:29am: returns.
7:39am: leaves.
8:17am: returns.
10:34am: leaves.
10:52am: returns. And so on...

It goes on all day. Sometimes he's gone a few hours, sometimes a few minutes. What does this man do? He can't be working--the hours are too erratic. Buying drugs? Selling drugs? Buying booze? (Yes, every example I can come up with involves socially unacceptable and/or illegal behavior.)

One day, K and I followed him. We didn't MEAN to, but we happened to be pulling out of our driveway seconds after he did and ran into him at the gas station. There he was, leaning up against the sandwich stand, fervently scratching off lotto tickets.

Lotto tickets? I hope you win a million dollars so you can fix that GD muffler.

It's a mystery, folks. Now make like Colonel Mustard in the Library with the Candlestick. WHAT does this man DO?


  1. I also say Drug Dealer. Our neighbor used to do the SAME thing minus the noisy muffler. He had a pizza delivery number on the side of his van with one number conveniently missing so that you could never ACTUALLY order from Justin's Pizza. I think he sold drugs. And would also begin to explain the profanity.

  2. Professional lottery ticket scratcher?

    Buys Lotto ticket
    Goes home
    Goes Back buys more tickets

  3. Sand, I think you're onto something. Maybe the crap in the back of his Corolla is actually valuable street pharmaceuticals. And Poke, I think you are SPOT on with his daily ongoings. Maybe it's a combination of both?

  4. I say drug dealer. Just be careful; he might not be dangerous but the crowd he deals to/with might be.