Thursday, March 1, 2012

Ho to a housewife

Think about how much you've changed since you went from a ho became a housewife.

Hot, Single Days: Happy hour! Pitchers of beer, karaoke, flirting with strangers.
Housewife Days: Ooh, the Office is on! I might be able to knit an entire scarf tonight.

Going Out Attire
Karaoke on St Pattys Day, circa 2004.
That's right, it's light outside.
Hot, Single Days: Tight dresses, heels, some sort of cleavage or midriff bearing ensemble.
Housewife Days: Flip flops (so my feet don't get sore), my "good" jeans (the comfortable ones that come up high enough to cover my muffin top), and a flowy top with a sweater over it. (It might get cold, you never know.)

Hot, Single Days: Whatever I can get my hands on. The cheaper the better. Popov out of a half gallon.
Housewife Days: Orange dream martinis, but not too many--I might fall asleep during The Walking Dead.

Bar Nights 
Hot, Single Days: Dancing on tables, body shots, throwing up in bathrooms. 
Housewife Days: Dancing in your chair, watching girls do body shots, then holding their hair back while they cry and throw up in the bathroom stall.

Now, don't get me wrong--I still enjoy a good bender now and again. I just have to make sure I get enough sleep the night before and drink three RedBulls first so I don't pass out in the middle of beer pong.


  1. This is theeeee best. And so true. I fell asleep at 8 pm last night. 8PM! I'm getting so old. :-(

  2. You and me BOTH, B! But I did manage to finish that scarf earlier today...