Thursday, March 22, 2012

Shit Girls Don't Say: Baby's First Bikini Wax

Where the hell is Skipper? (Image:
I felt like a hooker on her first day of work. I picked out my outfit the night before, stressed about how to do my hair, and showered twice yesterday.

My appointment was last night at 7pm, which meant I had to sweat it out (literally) all day long. I was so nervous all day I could barely focus.

After all, what could be more nerve-wracking then a stranger approaching your nether-regions with hot wax?

It was a no-pants-dance of epic proportions, worse than a gyno appointment. Because I mean, doctors HAVE to be professional. This was one of my peers. A lady, who no doubt had seen more va-jay-jays than she'd like to admit, and knew what was weird and what wasn't.

She instructed me to strip and lie on the table covered with a sheet, which I did, feeling a little like I was about to undergo an alien experiment.

Suddenly, insecurity flooded over me and I felt 12 again. What if mine wasn't NORMAL? What did she really think? Did she appreciate that I had spritzed a little Japanese Cherry Blossom down my trousers?

She was very professional, and quick, which I appreciated. And I giggled and yelped through the entire procedure with as much maturity as I could muster, lying sprawled out nekked in front of a stranger.

She has me on a strict 4-week schedule now, which I'm sure is some kind of horrible corporal punishment. And as soon as I'm able to put my pants back on without wincing, I'll let you know how I feel about the results.


  1. Ahh I remember my first wax last year. It gets better, less awkward, less painful...etc

    Shaving sucks!

  2. Thanks, KG! Yeah, I mean... I guess after yesterday the woman and I are intimately acquainted. So no stranger danger next time.

  3. holy gurgle!! I don't think I would have the nerve for that .... but is it the same amazing feeling when having smooth legs and you put on trousers?

  4. Poke, I'm still dealing with the healing stage, but I'm HOPING that's what it will be like! *Crosses fingers, winces, crosses fingers again*

  5. Ha! I KNEW it wasn't that painful!
    Icyhighs- 1: Ex- 768

  6. Oh Icy... I respectfully disagree. But I'll leave you half a point for being so passionate on the subject.

  7. Reading this hasn't really plucked up my waxing courage. ::shiver::

  8. Yeah, Lor... I can't say that I have outstanding words of encouragement. But I'm HOPING the next couple of times aren't quite as bad.

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