Thursday, September 29, 2011

My Ex is Engaged

I found out that my ex of 6 years got engaged. How are you honestly supposed to feel when this happens? Another girlfriend of mine had an ex have a baby this month. Though she and I are both in new, happy, committed relationships, there is still a strange, nostalgic feeling that accompanies news like this. We questioned ourselves: is it normal to feel this way?

Ironically, K and I discussed this the week before I found out the news. He said he thinks it's more difficult for girls for some reason. And I think he's right. I'm not quite sure why though. Is it because that person was such a big part of your life for so many years? Because there was a point in time when you thought that would be you standing next to him?

But you don't want to be with him. And even though my ex and I are still on good terms, there was a reason we broke up; we just weren't right together.

Remember my recurring wedding dream? If you don't, I'll rehash: for years, I have had this recurring dream in which I am preparing in the dressing room, getting ready to walk down the aisle. The dress and church were different each time, and I could never see the groom's face, though it was different each time. Every time, my mom and sister turned to me and said, "don't do it if you don't want to," and I wound up running out the back door, leaving the mystery groom at the altar. Each time, I woke up in a cold sweat after this nightmare. Then, a few weeks after I met K, I had the same dream. But it was different. I felt different. I was so happy, and for the first time, I could see that it was him standing at the altar, and I couldn't wait to marry him. That was the last time I ever had the dream.

My BFF Sarah made a valid point about the whole thing: she said it's the closing of the final chapter of what once was a big part of your life. That finality, that officially saying goodbye to your past. Maybe what it's really all about is letting go. And sometimes that is a tough thing to do.

But you know, in all honesty--I've had some time to let the news sink in, and even though this stirs up strange feelings of nostalgia, I truly am happy for him. And I actually like his fiancee, too. I wish the best for them both, and I honestly can't wait for the day I get to share all of this wedding/engagement excitement with K.

So you KNOW you're happy in your new relationship, but you just can't help but feel strangely nostalgic about the news. Why is this? Has anyone else had this happen? I suppose it's natural since we're *COUGH* almost 30 *COUGH*...


  1. I completely understand. I am the happiest I have ever been in a relationship, but I still get weird feelings of nostalgia when I hear about exes. I don't know why. Recently, the ex I was most serious with got married... to the girl he cheated on me with. It took all of my being not to look at facebook pictures. Maybe girls enjoy torturing themselves?

  2. Oh god, I can TOTALLY understand that. I am constantly battling my urge to facebook stalk. I'm proud of you for resisting. I'm glad this girl isn't the one my ex cheated on me with--I'm not sure how I would have handled that.

  3. hey i stumbled your site via 20sb.

    Aww..I've had that happened before but you're in a happy relationship--focus on what makes you happy. I've thought about that in the past about how I should feel if my exes got married but then I stepped back and realized I probably wouldn't marry them anyways because I'm obviously a different person 3 years ago even one year ago--so would I think it still worked if I was with them today? Most likely not...

    Anyways I'm glad both you and your ex are in good terms and in happy relationships with your current ones. Wish you guys the best :-).

  4. Thanks, nurhogirl :) We definitely are on good terms, which I think is only positive for moving forward in life, you know? And you're absolutely right--you realize that your past relationships weren't what you wanted, and it's meant to be that you're not in them anymore, but it still is a strange feeling to hear they're engaged, isn't it?