Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Penis balloons and stripper heels

"Hello?"
"BAAAAABYYYYYYY!"
"Hey baby! How's the party going?"
"SOO GOOOOOOD. I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT I LIKE SPARKLY THINGGGGS."
"You do, huh?" 
"YESSSS. All the girls let me try on their wedding rings and they are SOOO SPARKLYYYY."
"Oh yeah?" 
"YESSSSSSS. I LOVE SPARKLIEEEEEES! I LOVEYOUSOOOOMUCH AND I WANNA BE YOUR WIFEEEEYYYYYYY!
(phone goes silent) ... Helloooo? Baaabyyy?"

You know, I'm thinking of turning this blog into an advice column. Because I hear that the best way to get your boyfriend to want to marry you is to drunkenly demand he give you very expensive diamonds.

He did not in fact hang up on me, but this ill-timed, epic iphone fail was really the epitome of my entire evening. Thank god K has a sense of humor.

This phone conversation took place at approximately 7pm Saturday during a bachelorette party, between a delicious wine tasting and going out to the bars.

The rest of the night was awesome, but it made me realize that I can't hang like I used to.

Remember when we could stay up for three days straight, do shots of cheap vodka, dance on tables, drink our faces off then wake up at 6am to start drinking again for tailgate? How the hell did we do it?

My girlfriend J put it perfectly when she suggested we kick off the night with a champagne toast, then we pop two advil.

Man, when did we get so old? One wine tasting and I was half in the bag. Guess I just can't hang with the kiddies like I used to.


Fun fact: If you Google 'penis balloons', Christina Aguilera comes up all over the place.

11 comments:

  1. Haha, I think I have had a similar version of that drunken conversation, complete with the elongated version of BAAABBBBYYYYY.

    Also, I think Christina Aguilera should now only be referred to by the name Penis Balloon.

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  2. Haha...done and DONE. Is she starting her own line of blow up genitalia?

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  3. I couldn't stop laughing reading you. I even shared with J who burst out laughing! I'm so glad you had a great time Saturday. I am so happy that you joined us!!

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  4. I had such a great time, Court--thank you so much for inviting me! Glad you enjoyed the recap of my awesome phone call, too. Haha!

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  5. Okay. Do NOT underestimate the power of a drunken phone call. As I recall, that's how my relationship with JB began. And just look at us now. Crazy as ever. Js.

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  6. Oh yeah, I FORGOT about that! Maybe love blossoms under the guise of a drunken stupor.

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  7. LOL!

    New follower from 20 something bloggers. Love your blog so far! :)

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  8. Thanks Sean! SO appreciate the support! :)

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  9. oh god. i'm so glad this hasn't happened to me...YET. big tends to be the one i drunk dial (lucky him) so i'm sure it will eventually.

    love, little.

    new follower. yay.

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  10. Yay! I love new followers :) And if/when your marriage proposal drunk dial comes, I want to hear all about it. <3

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