Penis balloons and stripper heels

"Hello?"

"BAAAAABYYYYYYY!"

"Hey baby! How's the party going?"

"SOO GOOOOOOD. I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT I LIKE SPARKLY THINGGGGS."

"You do, huh?" 

"YESSSS. All the girls let me try on their wedding rings and they are SOOO SPARKLYYYY."

"Oh yeah?" 

"YESSSSSSS. I LOVE SPARKLIEEEEEES! I LOVEYOUSOOOOMUCH AND I WANNA BE YOUR WIFEEEEYYYYYYY!
(phone goes silent) ... Helloooo? Baaabyyy?"

You know, I'm thinking of turning this blog into an advice column. Because I hear that the best way to get your boyfriend to want to marry you is to drunkenly demand he give you very expensive diamonds.

He did not in fact hang up on me, but this ill-timed, epic iphone fail was really the epitome of my entire evening. Thank god K has a sense of humor.

This phone conversation took place at approximately 7pm Saturday during a bachelorette party, between a delicious wine tasting and going out to the bars.

The rest of the night was awesome, but it made me realize that I can't hang like I used to.

Remember when we could stay up for three days straight, do shots of cheap vodka, dance on tables, drink our faces off then wake up at 6am to start drinking again for tailgate? How the hell did we do it?

My girlfriend J put it perfectly when she suggested we kick off the night with a champagne toast, then we pop two advil.

Man, when did we get so old? One wine tasting and I was half in the bag. Guess I just can't hang with the kiddies like I used to.


Fun fact: If you Google 'penis balloons', Christina Aguilera comes up all over the place.