Friday, May 20, 2011

Police Blotter Friday: Lost in the Wood.

April 16th - 10:05pm
Police were dispatched to Washington Street for a caller reporting a missing person. The officer then spoke with a woman who said her husband sent her a text message reporting being "lost in the wood." The officer had a dispatch 'ping' the phone and it showed the last time it had been used was in a neighboring town. 

It's super easy to get let go of your mom's hand at the mall and wander into the Toys-R-Us for a Tickle Me Elmo, and suddenly you turn around and realize you have no idea where you are. Terrifying. I'm sure that's just what happened. To a grown man. Who found himself lost in the woods.

Why a text message? If he had the ability to text, he certainly could have at the very least called his wife to have her mapquest him out of the wood. Or hopped on the interwebs and figured it out himself. Hey, they say the iPhone tracks you wherever you go anyways.

I can only imagine how that convo went:
Wife: Hey asshole, when are you coming home?
Husband: Don't know.
Wife: Why? Where the hell are you?
Husband: Lost in the wood.

And what exactly was he doing in the wood? In a neighboring town? Did he follow a white rabbit in a waistcoat? Shrink himself down with magic potion then run three miles giggling like a schoolgirl until he realized he was lost in the wood?

I sure hope he managed to click his red heels and make it home to his loving wife, who was obviously very worried about him. And sir, just a suggestion: maybe it's time to upgrade to a smart phone with GPS features? Or at the very least, a compass.

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