I can has cheezburger?

It's no secret that I have a newly reignited obsession with Maury. I love watching him deliberately put on his glasses, read the paternity tests and announce: "You are NOT the father!"

Every once in a blue moon, they feature the 'bad girl' episodes. You know, "My 12-Year-Old Daughter Is The Village Bicycle." Those kinds of shows. These are truly gems.

Oh, Audreeana. I think your parents sealed your fate when they added the double 'e' to your name. Those hoop earrings don't help much either. I'm sure you're a very sweet girl, and god knows I've had insane cravings for a cheeseburger before too. (A girl's got to eat, right?) But trading a happy meal for sexual favors? At least get yourself some steak and potatoes, girl. You're going to be hungry again in an hour anyway. 

I guess you gotta do what you gotta do. I mean even those LOLcats need some noms every now and again.

But next time, maybe just go up to the counter and ask for one. I'm sure somebody will take pity on you and slide you a quarter pounder.