Thursday, January 26, 2012

BJs in a movie theater

The other day, K and I got to discussing this cultural rite of passage for American youths. (During which I told him in no uncertain terms that if he were into that kind of public PDA, he was with the wrong lady.)

We've all seen them from across the theater: the couple that's a little too hands-y. He brings a saw back from the snack counter with which to cut a hole in the bottom of his popcorn tub, she's wearing a tube top and a white jean skirt. Too much makeup, and too much ass grabbing on the way to their seats. They form an amoeba-like creature as they suck face and meld into one inappropriate blob. You glare from across the theater at their annoying mumbles and wish to sweet Jesus that they would stop interrupting your viewing of Beauty and the Beast in 3D.

It SOUNDS like an awesome idea in theory, right? It's dark, no parents. A little risky. But what if you're the movie theater dude who has to go parental on these oversexed teens?

Do you spray them with a water bottle like bad cats? "HEY. HEY! YOU. IN THE MINI SKIRT."

Do you throw popcorn from the back row, hoping to distract them long enough to accost them with a flashlight and politely request they exit the theater?

"Excuse me ma'am, please remove your mouth from that man's genitalia."

 A truly awkward situation for all involved, yes? This is why I say leave the crazy public fornication to the couples on COPS. Leave room for the lord, people.


  1. I'd pay good money to hear a cop say "Excuse me ma'am, could you please remove your mouth from that man's genitalia."

  2. sooooo i am not missing much not going to the cinema huh?

  3. Oh my gosh! this is TOO FUNNY!! leave room for the lord, at Beauty and the Beast 3-D, or should I dare say Beauty ON the Beast in 3-D. lol

  4. Hahha I like the spray water bottle idea...

  5. Gia, I do too. If people (or cats) are behaving badly, they should be appropriately punished. And Lauren, it's a whole new genre of Disney porn!