I strolled into Planet Fitness like I was badass, hair in a ponytail, shiny new running shoes, smirking about my witty remarks to the guy at the desk about his crossword puzzle. I was feeling brave, so I ventured over to the "boy's side" to attempt some weight machines.
Nobody ever wants to look like they don't know what they're doing on those mo-fos. So you saunter over, take an unassuming glance at the diagram with the crash test dummy showing you how to work your deltoids or triceps or whatever else fucking muscles you have stashed under that 6-pack.
|You deceptive mother fucker.|
I sat down at the "lat pulldown machine," faced the machine in front of me and began to pump some iron. A few seconds later, a woman sat down at the identical machine in front of me, and sat reversed on it so she was facing me, about 10 feet away. She shot me a look of annoyance, and I cursed her silently before assessing the situation.
If the machines are all facing the same direction... whyyy are annoying lady and I facing each other?
Because I was using the machine backwards. I was facing OUT, when I should have been facing IN. Guess I didn't notice those round pads that are supposed to go UNDER your knees. Sweet.
It was too late to turn back; I couldn't turn around in the middle of my set and let her know that I had realized my mistake. So I carried on with my 2 remaining sets, staring her right in the eyeball the entire time, pretending like I totally meant to do it on purpose.
No wonder people hate the gym. That shit is more awkward than elevator silence.