A frustrating day

Can you tell we're sisters? Both on a mission for cake.

Yesterday started off beautifully and ended in tears of frustration.

I took my sister to a bridal show in the morning, which was absolutely fabulous. We had a great time, ate lots of cake, and enjoyed sister time. It was what happened after that that put me over the edge.

While I was at the bridal show, K worked on his mom's car (which she very kindly loaned him while he works on his own.) I followed him home after the show to make sure there weren't any problems.

20 minutes into the drive, he slowed to 15mph in a 30mph zone. I knew something was wrong.

He's so damn cute when he can't figure out how to fix something. He does this thing with his hat, pulls it off then puts it on again so it's not quite on his head right. He walked towards my car apologetically, and tried to verbalize why he thought it had stalled. He stood for a minute then tried to start it again. Thankfully, it went, and we continued home.

A quarter mile from home, the car chugged to a stop again. He tried to restart it, then got out and did the hat thing again as he walked to my car. As frustrated as I was, the look on his face melted my heart.

Both exhausted, we parked my car at the house and walked back to the Jeep to push it home. We held hands in silence until we got there.

I steered while K pushed the Jeep down the road in the dark. Suddenly, I saw headlights behind us. A man got out, and without hesitation, left his own car running and joined K. I looked in the rearview, nerves shot, and tears poured down my cheeks. What makes a person do such a thing? Stop and help complete strangers at his own inconvenience? I was so grateful I couldn't find the words. We managed to get it home, and shook the man's hand to thank him.

We got the car to the driveway, and stood outside in the cold for 2 hours, winter hats on, lights pointed towards the engine. I handed him screwdrivers while we both made "that's what she said" jokes through our own frustrations. An hour in, he looked up at me and said: "God, I love you."

I smiled, and it was in that moment that I realized I had chosen right. Not once did he get angry or yell, he was just sorry. And thankful. And that's how I know we'll be able to make it through whatever life hands us.

The Proposition

A guy at the bar on Saturday leaned over suggestively and whispered that if I ever wanted to leave my boyfriend, he'd be next in line. I pulled away from him quizzically, wondering if he was serious and took careful inventory of my life.

K drives me crazy sometimes. He really does. Xbox, dirty socks lying all over the house, and saying the word 'retard'... makes me want to chase him down and beat him over the head with a nerf bat.

But when I got home from our girls night yesterday and saw him standing in the driveway, I looked into his eyes and had the sudden, almost uncontrollable urge to full-on sprint across the driveway, jump into his arms and hug him. It's this feeling I can't describe--like a candle lit from the inside that tips over at the sight of him and warms my entire soul. It makes me glow.

After all of the heartache in my life, I never thought I'd ever feel this way about someone, and it brings tears to my eyes when I realize how incredibly lucky I am. Some days, I want nothing more than to be as close to him as possible and just breathe him in.

This man is my world. We share a home, a life. He made me believe in love again, made me trust again. He gets my jokes, he balances me out. He knows how to calm me down when I'm flipping out. And he dressed up as a giant carebear for me. He's more than my boyfriend, he's my family.

So my answer to the random stranger who propositioned me was a knowing smile and a shake of my head. He just didn't get it. And maybe he never could. There's just no room in my heart for anyone else.

The CLICK

I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. I think they need to somehow click, to organically come together and grow. You can't force them; they just happen. I think that's why they say that you just KNOW when you meet that person. Something clicks, doesn't it? You can't put your finger on it, but it just feels right.

I remember the night I met K, we were out at a friend's birthday party and wound up standing outside in the rain chain smoking and talking about so many things. And with each part of our conversation, it just seemed to connect us even more. By the end of our several hour chat, we were running around downtown holding hands and skipping, yelling that we were getting married tomorrow and everyone was invited. Yes, skipping. And yes, there was a bit of alcohol involved. But the point is that it was unlike both of us to be that comfortable so instantly. And I think in order for it to get to that point, we both just FELT that it was right. It wasn't a lot of work, it just fell into place easily. We both wanted the same things, the timing was right for both of us, we were healed from our past relationships and ready to move forward.

But what if the timing isn't right?

I had a lot of these experiences while I was dating before I met K. The dark ages, I like to call them. I met some very nice guys-- some smart, some sweet, some funny... but for some reason, it just didn't work with any of them. Something was always off, and you could feel it. In some instances, I tried to force it because I wanted it to work so badly, but life just doesn't work that way. Ironically, once I stopped trying so hard and decided to let go, be single and have fun with my friends, I met K.

So that begs the question... do we really have any control over who we fall in love with? And even who we are friends with?

I think there is certainly a degree of effort and care put into these relationships to keep them alive, but do we really have control over the outcome?

I have friends from college who I see MAYBE once every couple of years. But when we talk, it's like no time has passed. We still love each other the way we did when we hung out daily. And sure, the dynamic shifts a bit, but our relationships are still strong.

So why do some relationships survive that kind of dynamic shift, and others don't?

I honestly think you just can't force any kind of relationship. The healthy ones, both romantic and platonic, fall into place naturally. And it's a fact of life that circumstances change, your priorities shift, that dynamics change and people ebb and flow in and out of your immediate center depending on time, place, fate. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, friendships fall in and out of love with you.

But maybe it has nothing to do with us. Maybe it's all a part of a higher universal principal that brings people together. I do know one thing for sure, I am so incredibly thankful to have the people in my life that I do, and I definitely believe that no matter the circumstances or how happy or challenging your time is while you're with them, people are brought into your life (and leave an impact) for a reason.

Love and Wheel Bearings

K and I have had a REALLY busy few weeks. It's been really stressful on both of us, and we've been running around like chickens with our heads cut off. But let me tell you that I have never in my life felt as lucky and as loved as I do today.

We got home last night at 10:30 from his Dad's house, where we were helping him pack up some things and move out of his house. We both forgot that my car was in shambles in the garage, and I was starting a yoga class with my sister Monday nights. We were both absolutely exhausted. I told him it was okay, that I was sure my sister would be okay to cancel. I was so exhausted that I fell asleep on the couch as soon as I layed down.

I woke up at 2:38am and heard banging coming from the garage. I was like... what is going on down there? I went downstairs and found K finishing up the wheel bearing on my car. He had to leave the house at 5am to get to work on time, yet he stayed up all night fixing my car so I wouldn't be stranded. I never would have let him stay down there if I hadn't fallen asleep--he definitely should have been sleeping before work. But never in my life have I felt so grateful and loved that he would do that for me.

I think sometimes it's the little things in relationships that let each other know you care about them--this was definitely one of those. When things get stressful in life, (and they inevitably do) I so strongly appreciate having him to turn to and support me. Now excuse me while I go back to etching hearts into my Trapper Keeper.

These are my confessions, Usher.

Okay listen... I have something to confess. Sometimes, when I'm sitting at a stop light, I slip the cubic zirconia ring from my Grandma off of my right hand onto my left ring finger and watch it twinkle in the sunlight as I wiggle my fingers on the steering wheel. Then somebody honks and I'm all up in my daydream, so I give the guy the finger (my LEFT finger, so he sees the ring) and speed through the light. It's a great deterrent for potential stalkers at the gym, but mainly I just like to pretend K and I are engaged.

Before you freak out, I'm no crazy "I have to get married soon, I'm 27!" nut. My biological clock isn't ticking, I'm not baby crazy, or marriage crazy, or anything like that. I just can't help but beam from ear to ear when I think about the day we become actual family. I can't help but think about my future big poofy white cupcakey dress, the billions of flowers all over the place, and how I hope our kids look like K, and have his strength, patience, and intelligence.

It's the same reason that I've got an entire page in my Trapper Keeper scrawled with variations of my first name, middle name, and his last name (sometimes mine and his, hyphenated) outlined in hearts with smiley faces all over the page. I like to practice my signature for the day we get married. Just so, you know... I won't be all unprepared when I have to sign checks and notarize documents and stuff. Strictly business.

Some people make fun of others for changing their names so fast once they get married... are you kidding me? I'm going to be up on the alter like HOLD ON PRIEST... gotta change my name on facebook. Kthx.

Ahh.... Mrs. K.

It has a nice ring to it.

I peed outside yesterday

That's right, kiddies. A cherry to top off the most romantic of weekends, I had to pee outside yesterday. In the snow. On the side of a mountain road. I was laughing so hard tears were pouring down my face.

Here's how it all started. We had SUCH an awesome weekend. The most awesome and romantic weekend that I've had yet in 2011, actually. To celebrate my birthday and Valentine's day, which fall four days apart, we traveled up to Lake Placid for the weekend. We found this awesome, relatively inexpensive hotel just off the beaten path, run by the CUTEST old man and his wife. When we got there, he handed us two cold beers, and I knew right off the bat we had found the perfect place.

Friday night, we went to a fantastic dinner at this gorgeous little inn just down the road. They sat us right by the fire, and then we got some more delicious Lake Placid beers (DELICIOUS, if you've never tried them) and relaxed in the room. Saturday was the parade and ice castle, and it was SO COOL. I was jumping around like a five-year-old, I was so excited. We had the best time, and the weather was awesome. I have to tell you that I was more relaxed and content this weekend than I have been in a while, I didn't realize how much we needed to just get away for a couple of days. We live together, but quite honestly we don't see each other as much as you'd think. And to spend a couple of days alone together, laughing and watching stupid crap on TV was AWESOME.

Sunday came, and we had to pack up our stuff and get on the road. We left the hotel and drove around LP for a bit, just checking out the scenery and soaking it all in before we left. I had two cups of coffee before we got in the car, and another one when we stopped at a gas station heading out of LP.

I could feel myself having to pee shortly after we got on the road, but I kept my mouth shut for two reasons. One: I have a bladder the size of a pea, and I had had to go every time we went anywhere the entire weekend. And two: on the way out of LP, you are driving through the mountains, and there is hardly ANYWHERE to stop, except for scenic parking spots just off the road. So I held it for as long as I could, the bumps in the road like tiny ninja swords stabbing my belly. Finally, K turned to me and said "I have to pee, do you?"  I don't know what tipped him off, maybe it was the pained expression on my face. Or maybe it was the death grip I had on the door handle. Either way, K could tell I had to go. He drove faster, trying to get me to a bathroom, because since I had kept my mouth shut when I should have opened it, it was now an extreme emergency.

And that's when I had the moment. The pre-puke moment where you look around the room and assess where you will puke if you have to (potted plant...purse... garbage can--jackpot!) I looked around the car, trying to see what we had just in case I needed it. And this was the moment I realized I couldn't wait for a rest stop or a gas station; I needed to go NOW.

The bumps got more intense, and I was laughing so hard that tears were pouring down my face. I mean, what are the chances we'd pass TWO different sets of signs with "ROUGH ROAD" printed on them. It was like I was being punished for something. What, I don't know.

K did some MacGyver moves and skidded into the next relatively secluded scenic overlook spot he could find, (and this is how I know he will be a good dad, by the way) opened two of the Jeep doors, and stood watch for me while I peed next to the car as delicately and ladylike as possible.

When the adventure was over, I managed to pull myself together, stop laughing and wipe the tears from my face, I looked at K and realized that as hilarious as this was, it was just another one of the reasons why he is absolutely perfect for me. And we laughed about our misadventures the entire ride home. Best. Valentine's Day. Ever.

Snowflowers

Sunflowers that K wired to the back fence for me :)

I was having a really bad day a few weeks ago. I couldn't put my finger on it; it just didn't go as well as I'd planned. My computer wasn't working well downstairs, so I had to come upstairs to use the desktop. I hate having to do that, because I miss all the action downstairs when K is home. I was moping about how my programs were taking forever to load when I looked down and saw the corner of our yard, where five dead sunflowers were wired to our back fence in the middle of several feet of snow. The corners of my mouth turned up in a Grinch-like smile, and I forgot what I was so upset about.

Okay, I know this sounds crazy--but to me it makes perfect sense. You see, they're wired there because over the summer when we planted them, the heads got so large that they started to wilt. I was so sad when I saw how our beautiful flowers, the living beings K and I had planted together in the backyard, falling over, preparing to die. When he saw how sad I was, K went out back with some wire and tied each flower individually to the fence, so they wouldn't fall over and make me sad. When I saw what he had done, I couldn't help but burst into tears. He just wanted to make me happy. He saw how upset I was, and he fixed them for me. Never in my life have I had someone do something so sweet for me. And in the middle of this blizzardy winter, there are five sunflowers standing upright in my back yard, with little caps of snow on top of them, reminding me of how I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Christmas Hangover

Well we made it home alive. We JUST missed the crazy snowstorm that has ravaged the northeast, and I woke up this morning to a winter wonderland. It has been a long week of Christmas events and activities, visiting and catching up with everyone. It's an exhausting week every year, but I'll tell you this--when I get home, I find myself thinking about how lucky I am to have such wonderful family and friends.

Every year is a bit of a cluster-F, I'll be honest. It started the night before we left, with a bit more than a slow panic when I realized I had not finished my shopping. (I actually still went home with less than I anticipated, but wound up finding even better gifts there.) K and I trekked out into the wilderness that is the Friday night before Christmas shopping, elbowed our way through the crowds and made it out with minor cuts and scratches. When we returned home, I realized that I hadn't packed my bags yet, and even though I desperately needed sleep, I had to get that done first. I am SO crazy about flying that I NEED to be prepared hours (or days) in advance so that I don't have a full-on breakdown when we get up in the morning. K knows this, and though he is a bit of a procrastinator normally, he eagerly packs his bags no matter how crazy early it is, just so that he doesn't have to deal with the aftermath of my panic in the morning. (It usually involves screaming, sometimes crying, and him consoling me.)

The next day went fine, we made it to the airport and home to the mitten in plenty of time. We had my Dad's party the first night, and we got to see many friends and family members that we hadn't spent time with in quite awhile. It was really wonderful. We wound up staying until around 4am, talking with my cousin who we hadn't spoken to in many years because of the family rift. And I will tell you that it was one of the most wonderful Christmas gifts I think we could have given my Dad. He sat in the chair listening to my sister, my cousin, K and I talking, and positively glowed watching us catch up.

After spending time with my Dad's side of the family, we spent the next few days with my stepbrother, stepdad and Mom. We got to see my brother's new apartment and oogle his new TV (he just moved back to the mitten from TX). It was great to see he and his girlfriend, who is such a sweetheart. We laughed, karate-chopped and punched each other, with the occasional hug slipped in. He's a total goof, and we always have a good time when he's around. We spent the night laughing and talking with our parents and enjoying all being in the same state, it was awesome.

We did lunch with my aunt and uncle, a night at the bar with some of our best friends, and ended the week with a wonderful Christmas dinner with family and friends. It was so great to see everyone, and though we were ready to collapse when we got home yesterday, I look back and think how lucky we are to have been able to spend the week with so many wonderful people. I hope you all had a wonderful time with your families too!

Cheating is Sucky.

Joey Greco has his work cut out for him. With Perez Hilton reporting that Michael C. Hall has cheated on his wife with Julia Stiles, it begs the question: who is immune to infidelity these days? Eva Longoria, one of the most beautiful women on earth, is rumored to have been cheated on by husband Tony Parker. Is any relationship safe anymore? What are these people missing in their lives that they feel they have to outsource to ladies (or gents) of the night? I don't know about you guys, but if I'm Tony Parker, a tall, gumpy dude who, let's face it, is just NOT that cute, and I score a lady as gorgeous as Eva, I think I'm pretty much set. I guess you could pull a Weird Science and digitally create your perfect woman, but let's be honest: she just won't have the sass that human ladies do.

I don't know any person that hasn't been affected by cheating in some way at this point in our lives. I've been cheated on. So have many of my friends. Sure, it sucks, but can you really be that mad about fate intervening in this divine way? Is it really meant to be if the person you love is snookin' for love in a dumpy townie bar? I think not.

People are mad about gay marriage. I have to be honest, I just don't get it. So two men want to officially declare their love for each other. You're more upset about that than Larry King having his pick of the litter and continuing to pluck wives for his collection? I hope somewhere in his creepy lair he has a wax museum filled with life-sized figures dedicated to each of his former wives. A gaggle of ladies to stare him in the face the next time he visits Jakob the jeweler and decides he might want to pop the question and add another to the flock.

Cheating is sucky, there's no doubt about it. And with all the negativity around, it's easy to get caught up and get down on the sanctity of marriage. But I think the most inspirational thing to see are the couples who stand by each other when times get tough, support each other and stay loyal. They're out there, I've seen it. My aunt and uncle have been married for decades, and stand by each other. And I'm not saying that life doesn't grenade launch lemons at you now and again, but I think it's the people who put those lemons in the Jack LaLanne juicer and make lemonade that inspire me the most. Stay strong, Eva. If Hilary, Sandra Bullock and Elin can do it, you can too.

Surprise Christmas Tree!

I had (sortof) come to terms with the fact that we weren't going to get a real tree this year. I figured it only made sense, since we will only be able to enjoy it for another week before we travel to the mitten. The logical side of me recognized that it was the most practical move, yet I still couldn't help but want one, especially since this is our first Christmas living together.

But with one week left, I had accepted it. We have been caught up in the Christmas stress of shopping and packing and cleaning... it is a Santa whirlwind around here. Saturday, we spent all day shopping (complete with an unpleasant witnessing of a not-so-nice hillbilly couple who jumped the line at Walmart. You can imagine how that panned out.)

Yesterday we had a million things on our to-do list, including a trip to Advance Auto Parts. I hate Advance Auto Parts almost as much as I hate Home Depot, so when my sister's boyfriend offered to go with K instead of me, I was more than thrilled.

The boys came back home with a few bags in tow, and started to survey the living room. I sensed something was awry. K addressed my sister and I and suggested we go cut down a tree from a nearby forest. It sounded very Paul Bunyan (not to mention illegal) to me. I was also wearing my pajamas since it was Sunday, so although I wanted a real tree, the thought of laying in pine needles sweating my butt off, saw in hand didn't sound too appealing. But the boys convinced us we should go, so we put our boots on and trudged out into the front yard, only to see a beautiful green bushy tree leaning up against the front porch railing, wrapped in netting. I couldn't believe it, I looked at K and immediately started crying. It was what I had wanted so badly but thought we weren't going to get this year, and they had made it happen.

We spent the rest of the night decorating the tree and watching the Santa Clause (one of my faves), and I couldn't help but think that they say that in relationships what holds you together is your compatibility. That you are a one in a million for being a match together. And we have those times when we bicker about stupid things, it's bound to happen. But I will tell you what I have learned in this relationship: it's those little things that K does for me that make me smile and know that I will be the happiest girl for the rest of my life.


The decorated tree!

They always say that you'll just know.

They always say that you'll just know. I thought they were full of it. I really did. After years of dating people who were either bad for me, or just not the right fit, I was completely burned out. And I hate to admit that everyone was right, but they were.

I'll tell you when I knew. It was Thursday, June 11th, 2009. It was late, and I was driving anxiously down to JFK to fly to Vegas for a long-awaited girls' weekend to catch up with El and Ash, two of my best girlfriends who I have known since elementary and high school. It was late that night, and rainy, and I was incredibly stressed. I had never flown out of JFK before, never driven to JFK in this rush hour traffic, never parked at JFK, and had never been to Vegas. It was the longest period of time I had left my newly adopted kitty Linus for, and the tension in the car was palpable, though I was alone. As I neared the airport, it got worse. I began to stress about where to park, how much it would cost, and if they'd accept credit cards, if I could get my car out when I came back on the red eye--I know it sounds crazy, but these are the kinds of things I worry about. The unknown.

Suddenly, in my panic, I realized I had not prepared for this venture, and I frantically thought of who I could reach out to. It was late, most everyone I knew was busy; I didn't want to bother them with my insanity. Then I thought of K. We had met less than a month before, we barely knew each other, and I immediately dismissed the thought of asking him for help. But as the miles went by, and I got closer to my destination, deep panic set in. Driving with one hand, I sent him a quick text message asking if he could look up a phone number to JFK so I could get my questions answered. He replied a few minutes later with "of it", and I frustratedly tossed my phone on the seat next to me, regretting my decision. What the hell was I thinking? He was clearly drunk, probably out with his friends, another one of those party guys who only cared about getting wasted--his jumbled text message reflected that. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I was overwhelmed with a mixture of panic, sadness, and disappointment that he wasn't the person I thought he was. Just another one like the rest of the guys I'd dated, I thought to myself.

I calmed myself down a bit and managed to work out the worst-case scenario in my head. It helped a little. Two cigarettes and a can of coke later, I heard my phone ring on the seat next to me. Who the hell could that be? Keeping my eyes on the road as best I could, I opened my phone. It was a two-page text from K, stating that he had been on the phone with Jet Blue for the last half hour, and here were the two best phone numbers he could find for me, one for the front desk and one for the direct line to the Jet Blue desk. Later, I would find out that he was working in a small upstate town that week, (he travels quite a bit for work) had a steak on the grill when he got my text, jumped in the car and had to drive ten minutes to even get to a place where there was enough cell service to make that call to Jet Blue for me. Also the reason for the mistyped text, which should have read "on it."

I stared at my phone in disbelief, tears in my eyes, disbelief and overwhelming happiness washing over me. And that was the moment I knew I was in love with him. It had been less than a month, a whirlwind start to our relationship. But in that moment, I suddenly realized that he was the person I had been waiting for who I could count on, someone who would always come through for me. I had never had that before.

I had a great time that weekend, it was wonderful catching up with my girlfriends. We had a blast, danced until we couldn't stand, even met Larry Fitzgerald and took some photos with the NFL star. But if you ask either one of my girlfriends, K was all I could talk about that weekend, and over a year later, he's still all I can talk about. I know he will always be there for me, always be someone I can depend on. I love him more than I ever thought I could love someone, and I honestly feel so blessed to have him in my life.

From the Mitten State to New York

Well with everyone starting their own blog these days, I thought I'd jump on the virtual bandwagon. My story is one of growing up in the midwest, (with a pink gingham pillow shaped like a heart, hence the name of the blog.) I have a wonderfully dysfunctional family who have taught me the meaning of unconditional love. In college, I studied advertising and design, and once the time came to graduate and get a job, my Aunt and Uncle so kindly adopted me as their live-in niece so that I could work for Cosmopolitan Magazine down in Manhattan.

The story goes that I never intended to stay out here, grow roots, start a family. I came out for a summer internship down in the city, (I'll intermittently post fun adventures from that time in my life, they were pretty entertaining!) I had my plane ticket booked and paid for to return home at the end of my internship in August... and that was when I made the phone call to my Mom to tell her that I was staying out here. For good. My mom is a ball of emotions, God love her, so you can imagine how that conversation went.

I went through the trials and tribulations of finding my first jobs, making friends, dating a number of people who taught me a myriad of things about myself and people in general, until finally I met K, the man of my dreams, one night out in Saratoga at a friend's birthday party. He stood 6'6", with a large coffee stain on his short-sleeved, collared shirt, and I knew that we were a match made in Tide-to-go heaven.

So now here I am, living in upstate NY with my wonderful boyfriend and our crazy blended family of 3 cats (and also my sister, her boyfriend and her kitty too for the time being, since they are in the process of moving their lives out here as well.) I work from home full-time as an art director for an advertising agency, and I'm finding myself somewhere between the post-college years and the married-with-children years. It's a great time in my life, there are certainly ups and downs, and I thought I'd like to share some of my adventures (and rants) with you. Comments are welcome, thanks for reading my blog!




There's nothing better than kitty snuggles in the morning :)