Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Hungry Cowboy: A Story of Love, Deception, and Slim Jims

In celebration of V-Day, let's check out a story of love and deception from our friends in Bozeman, Montana, who always seem to have something entertaining to report.

February 8, 2012: Someone reportedly stole beef jerky and DVDs from a grocery store around 10 p.m.

Dear Hungry Cowboy,

I realize that a long day on the range will leave you feeling tired, famished, and a little horny. Those cows won't herd themselves, now, will they? You park your trusty steed at the local Grand Union and dip in for some delectables when you realize--you didn't have room for your wallet in those tight Lee Dungarees! What to do?

You had a multitude of options at your fingertips, HC. You could have pocketed a few apples, oranges, or even some Hot Pockets. You had a whole aisle of crackers and cookies at your disposal, but you chose the meat snack marketed by a professional wrestler that costs 2 for $1. I hope you at least got the kind that has the cheese in it, too. Live a little. 

Once you were finished choosing your meal for the evening, you picked up a couple of randy flicks for later, Ride 'Em Cowgirl and An Officer and a Gentlehorse. Though I have to ask, where did you intend on sticking these videos, if you didn't have room for your wallet?

I guess we learned a valuable lesson here, HC: saddlebags aren't just for show. Next time, pack wisely. And maybe get a girlfriend.



  1. Why the hell would someone steal DVD's? I hope it wasn't Titanic or something equally as horrid.

    I really need to start reading my police blotter. Arizona has some quite hilarious crimes.

  2. B, I would LOVE to hear the Arizona police blotter. If you find some good ones, please share!

  3. I feel like beef jerky always seems like a great option around 11 or 12 after I've been partying for a few hours.

    But that's really the only time. In the history of life. That I want to eat it.

  4. I have to agree with you. Either after you've been partying or after you rob a grocery store of it's entire multimedia department... either one.