The first hit is free

Playing it safe: all candy that I don't even like
so I won't be sad when it's gone.

We couldn't BELIEVE how many kids came to the house trick-or-treating last year. We made the grave mistake of handing the bowl out as they came to the door, rather than dishing the candy in regulated quantities. Big mistake. Those greedy little monsters were grabbing candy by the fistful. We made three trips to the store in total, and went through 10 bags of candy.

I even had to sacrifice the secret stash of kit kats I was withholding for my personal indulgence the next day, when I would be alone to eat my feelings.

This year, I was smart: I bought the candy that nobody I don't like.

I strategically chose items that will deter kids from wanting to return to our house next year. Like poison apples. And razor blades.

No, I'm not that evil. But here is what I did come up with:
- Pixy Stix (parents will LOVE me.)
- Marvel Heroes candy sticks (guaranteed to send your kid into a diabetic coma.)
- Starburst (does anybody REALLY like these?)
- Skittles (a risky purchase, since I do actually like skittles. I hope I can maintain enough willpower to avoid eating these before the big day arrives.)
- Nerds (delicious, but not my FIRST choice of candy.)

Note: no chocolate. No king sized candy bars. And I resisted the urge to purchase pop rocks and Lik-m-aid, because they're the heroin of the candy world. The first hit's free, but they'll keep coming back for more. You're welcome, parents.

God, I'm gonna be such a great mom someday.