The Big Day is HERE! It's Muh Birfday.

Carebear Birthday Party!

The big day is here, kiddies! It's muh birfday. The big 2-7. One year closer to 30, and another time to reflect on all the awesome things about my life.

Awesome thing #1: Some people get nostalgic about their teen years, but now that I'm 27, I don't have to deal with curfews, awkward dates, being grounded for spending the night over at Sarah's house, getting arrested for underaged drinking, PE class, or having to get permission to do pretty much anything. It's pretty phenomenal.

Awesome thing #2: I think with age, I'm starting to care a little less about what people think of me. Just a little. And I'm starting to find the middle ground of being honest with people and retaining my dignity. Maybe everyone goes through this, but it's taken me 26 27 years. It feels pretty damn good!

Awesome thing #3: I have the best bf ever. I know, it probably makes you want to barf, but trust me, there were a lot of not awesome dates before I met this guy. He makes me laugh, he loves the me that I love, and he sews me new pink gingham pillows when mine bust open in the washing machine. I am so incredibly thankful to have finally found him. It was worth the quarter-century wait.

Awesome thing #4: My sister and my future brother in law live in New York now. I can't tell you how awesome it was to be able to go out and spend my birthday with them last weekend; it has been almost 5 years since we have been able to do that, unless we flew back and forth. She is like a more mature, fabulous version of me (even though I am older) and she has always and will always be there for me, no matter what. I love her SO much.

Awesome thing #5: I'm lucky enough to have four parents who love me a LOT. They have been there for me through everything, and I love them all so much. I miss them now that we live in different states, but I'm looking forward to talking to them today :)


Awesome thing #6: I have some of the best friends you could ever EVER ask for. I love each and every one of you, and I'm so thankful to have you in my life. You make me smile, you pick me up when I'm down, and you listen when I need to talk. Love you all SO MUCH.

So kiddies, I think I will spend my day talking with all the people I love and reminiscing about the days when we weren't 3 years from 30. (yikes!) Thanks for reading my blog, this thing has been even more awesome than I ever thought it would be... and I appreciate that so many people care about what I have to say. Stay tuned for the post-weekend wrap up on Monday about the birthday weekend adventure we have planned!

Anger Hangover

I had a hot date with Lisa Vanderpump and the gang again tonight. This time, it was the reunion show. (I'm behind on the DVR, okay? Birthday weeks are very busy!) What really struck me though was Kyle's reaction to everything. She's a spitfire, that's for sure. She says things right off the top of her head, and she doesn't give a shit who knows it. In some ways, I envy that about her. I'm passive-aggressive by nature, and I hate conflict more than cat poop on my carpet. I'm also a people pleaser, to boot. Maybe that's why I take out all of my sarcastic aggression on my blog, where nobody can chase after me with a baseball bat.

It must feel good, to just blurt out what you're thinking. Just spit it out, no filter. To say whatever comes to mind, not care who it hurts or what kind of consequences you'll face. And while I think there are some very theraputic advantages to spouting off at the proverbial mouth, I see the remorse in Kyle's eyes for some of the things she's said. And I'm reminded once again why I am better off finding a happy medium between being a complete bitch and the rug under people's feet.

Over the years, I've had to learn to stand up for myself in more ways than one. I've been put to the test in friendships and in relationships. And while I'm not afraid to look someone in the eye and tell them what I'm really feeling, I think there is a difference between heated confrontation and tactful conversation. And for the last 26 years I've been struggling to find a balance there. What I think I need to work on is telling people how I actually feel, but in a way that doesn't give me an anger hangover the next morning, regretting things I've said (or thrown.)

But I have to say that sometimes all I really want to do is cave into my childish and self-indulgent desires and make a list of all the people and things that piss me off, write it on my facebook status in all caps with seven exclamation points and a big sad face at the end, and wait for the sympathetic comments to follow. Everyone else does it, right? Maybe there's something to it!

5 People I'd Vote Off the Island

There are a handful of people that make me want to flip my coffee table over and bull-charge my TV. I'm sure there are more to add to this list, but for now... here are my top 5.

#1.) Jesse James

K has recorded one thousand episodes of Monster Garage on the DVR, and every time I see his beady little face and tatto-y arms, I want to rip the muffler off of one of his prized mobiles and bean him over the head with it. That man has made a sport out of cheating on America's sweetheart, and because of his naughtiness, I can't stop having dreams about Kat Von D. And also Ryan Renolds. I really hope he and Sandy B get married and make lots of babies soon. But I digress.

#2.) Camille Grammer

Camille's husband cheated on her with a woman half her age, got her pregnant, and shamelessly humiliated her on national television, and somehow I still despise her. Maybe it's because she has had so much botox that I can't tell if she's being sarcastic or just plain bitchy, but I really would love to pimp slap her expressionless face.

#3.) Teen Mom's Amber Portwood

Amber Portwood beat her ginormous boyfriend to a pulp in front of their daughter on the show, and I swear I sat with my jaw in my lap while I watched. She's abusive, remorseless, and sets a bad example for girls everywhere. I would like to get in a giant sumo suit, wrestle her to the ground, and then gently push her out into a lake so she could float away, like Andy Bernard at the Dunder Mifflin company picnic.

#4.) Paula Deen

Nothing made me pee myself more than when she got hit with that ham last year. I'm sorry, Paula, but the way your tinsel-colored hair glistened as I watched that ham clock you in slow motion on YouTube was just beautiful. Your southern accent is just too perfect, and those teeth MUST glow in the dark. Let's cook some ham, y'all.

#5.) Ben Roethlisberger

I think all rapists should be painted in honey and locked in a room with thousands of bees. I used to think you were cute, Ben, but now when I look at your face, all I see is lots of ugly beard hair. About that time you lost the Superbowl... hey, karma's a bitch.

A little butt crack on my birthday

Well kiddies... 3 days until I turn the big 2-7. And since next weekend is Valentine's weekend, we decided to head out for a night on the town and celebrate the weekend before. And let me just say that the night started with a blizzard, and ended up with a little more butt crack than I would have expected.

Every year, mother nature seems determined to rain on my parade--both literally and figuratively. This year was no exception. Saturday before we were supposed to head out, it started to blizzard. Many of my friends weren't able to make it because of the weather, but a few did, and they are AWESOME. I seriously can't tell you how much I appreciate my friends for coming out and making my birthday special. I feel like such a lucky girl to have so many amazing people in my life.

So K started snowblowing the driveway while I got ready, and when I came downstairs it was absolutely horrific outside. Mother nature was projectile vomiting all up on my bday. I told K that this was just crazy, we shouldn't risk it in this weather (my sister's apartment is about an hour south of us, and we had to get down there first.) He shut the snowblower off, looked me right in the eye and told me we had four wheel drive, and we weren't going to miss it. What an amazing man I have in my life, to go to such lengths to make me happy.

So we slowly make the trek in the awful weather, four wheeling in the jeep all the way down to my sister's apartment. The weather was atrocious the entire time, but I sang to the radio as loud as I could to make up for it. (I'm sure K and his brother A really appreciated that.)

We had a great time at dinner, and went out for a few delicious drinks at a local watering hole (actually the place where K and I met, which is part of the reason I love it so much.) We all got in, got ourselves some drinks, and sat at a table. Suddenly we realized we were missing M&M, two of our friends who had come out to celebrate with us. We waited a few minutes, and I texted M to see where they were. Turns out she had forgotten her ID at home, and they wouldn't let her in. So (get this), in this blizzardy weather, M&M go ALL the way back home to get her ID, and come BACK to meet up with us again. I absolutely couldn't believe it. What amazing friends I have that would not only come out ONCE, but TWICE... in the middle of a blizzard. M&M, you guys seriously rock. Love you both.

So we all continued the night, got some delicious drinks in our bellies, and went over to another bar to meet up with a few of K's brother's friends. And as we are getting our coats off and starting to warm up, we spot a man across the bar who has his pants clear down his B-crack. That's right-- a full moon, folks. I stared at him for a minute, wondering how he couldn't feel that his crack was all hanging out. I mean, don't you feel a bit of a breeze? I really don't understand it. But his presence was a hell of a conversation piece, and we all got a good laugh. And I'll tell you what, no future birthday will be complete without a blizzard and some butt crack.

A little birthday buttcrack... thanks, roofer dude.

Police Blotter Friday: Too Bad, Snow Sad

Last Saturday, on our way home from helping my sister and her bf move, we drove through our little downtown area here in Stars Hollow and saw four police cars, a tow truck, a snowmobile, and a gaggle of bystanders crowding the street around 2am.

In our small town where mostly everything shuts down around 9pm, this was a big to-do. Plus I think 4 police cars encompasses the entire Stars Hollow police force. K and I drove by slowly, faces pressed against the windows, trying not to stare but desperately trying to check out what was going on. We drove by getting no answers, but we knew where we would turn to find out: next week's police blotter. It's our source for all things (and people) criminal and we've made a weekly tradition of drinking our coffee and reading it aloud to each other.

So here's the scoop: come to find out THIS week that the guy driving the snowmobile was drunk and crashed it into a fence, getting himself stuck. He was found walking down the street, helmet in hand, and when police approached him, he said: "he just wanted to go home."

Poor guy. I mean, who drives a snowmobile to the bar? Who then downs a bottle of jack, throws on his ski boots and jumps on a fast-moving machine to get home? Imagine what a bummer it would be to just want to get to your house, throw on your footy pajamas and crawl into a nice feather bed... then WHAM! you fly into a fence and get your hot rod all jammed up. (That's what she said.)

Seriously, dude... you're an idiot. And you deserve to get your mobile taken away. Nobody should be driving drunk, and now you've learned your lesson the hard way!

And that's the Stars Hollow Police Blotter for this week, folks. Have a great weekend--and stay off the snowmobiles if you're having a hot toddy.

Battle with Evil Mail Lady: Round 2... FIGHT.

I woke up to mounds of snow again today; big surprise. It really doesn't matter to me, since I work from home. I actually enjoy getting snowed in, as long as I have plenty of coffee creamer, hot pockets, and milk for my cereal.

Noon rolled around, I looked out the front window and saw her. Evil Mail Lady, right across the street. In a panic, I clumsily pulled on my boots, and trekked out into the blizzardy afternoon to shovel my porch and a little path through the driveway so EML wouldn't break her tiny little legs on our treacherous icy trail to Mordor.

Sweating with the effort it took, I got halfway down the driveway when my neighbor Lisa called out to me that I had already missed her. She said that EML was quite pissed about the snow, and declared publicly that she wouldn't deliver our mail today. I thanked Lisa for the info, filling her in that our snowblower was broken and K was traveling for work, and finished the little path I had so kindly decided to forge for EML, huffing swear words under my breath as I wasted the remainder of my lunch break on a fruitless endeavor.

Frustrated, I called K and told him the second round of the EML saga. I explained that it's not that I don't understand her frustration. I would be pissed too if I had to stomp through 2 feet of snow to get to someone's door too. And it's within her right not to deliver the mail if we don't shovel. It's just the attitude along with it that gets to me, publicly telling my neighbors how mad she was, and the fact that I DID get out to shovel, I just missed her by FIVE minutes.

But the awesome part of the story is that not a half hour after I got inside to return to working, pissed and sweaty, I heard the sound of a snowblower down on our lower driveway. I looked outside, and couldn't believe it: it was my neighbor from across the street, (who I have never personally met, mind you) clearing the snow from our driveway for me. I almost teared up, I was so thankful. Now I could get the car out of the garage and go get some food after work and pick up my prescription, which was actually stressing me out quite a bit. I pulled on my boots and coat again, and ran outside to introduce myself and say thank you. Honestly, say what you will about small town living, but that man spent almost an hour of his day doing something for a stranger, and in the process renewed my faith in mankind. What a sweet man, doing that for someone he barely knows, because he overheard me say our snowblower was broken. I have to say, I'm really starting to love living in a small town.

Spring Break '98

Okay, so this weekend my aunt and uncle were SO incredibly kind and drove a moving van full of my sister's stuff all the way from Michigan so she and her bf can move into their new apartment, and sleep on something other than an aerobed. What I didn't know was that tucked in between the tupperware and towels was a secret timecapsule back to 1998. (Thanks Mom!)

My mom had sent boxes of goodies with my photo albums, my high school diploma, and secret photos from spring break with my high school girlfriends that I thought had been (or SHOULD have been) lost forever. There were also my baby books, and some other dusty artifacts from the early 80's that I got a good laugh out of. I thought you would too. So on this snowy Tuesday, let this blast from the past warm your soul, and make you want to get out your scrunchies and put your hair in a side pony. You're all welcome.

My first Christmas, back in 1985... look at that tinsel!

To Santa Clas.

Drawing I sent to Santa. See, I was an artist even at 5.

First grade. Check out that hot pink side pony!

Eighth grade. I can't believe I'm even sharing this. The photographer made me laugh mid-shot, okay?