The dog mizer

I watched her squat on the floor in front of Meg's cubicle and piss right on the floor. I swear she was grinning.

It was about that time that I realized that "bring your dog to work day" is nice in theory, but highly fucking irritating in practice.

Do you know how hard it is to get work done with puppies chasing each other around the office? Not to mention we had free food brought in today (yay!) which made for a begging free-for-all.

I tripped over leashes, smelled pee all day, and nearly fell out of my chair twice when the demolition of a nearby building caused a barking frenzy.

A great dane + a doxen + a busy fucking day = a very angry PGG.

Call me the dog mizer, but i think I'll stick to my mews. And maybe work from home next bring your dog to work day.

F*ck off, buddy.

I held my gaze straightforward, hands on the wheel, expression determined. A silver Volvo sped up to pass me in the left lane, and a small blue car kept pace with me on the right, clearly trying to get my attention.

Seriously? I thought. Fuck off, buddy. I LIKE driving in the middle lane, and your middle finger isn't going to ruin my Tuesday morning commute or change my driving habits.

I had cruise control on, so my speed maintained as he kept so obviously To the side of me. I grew annoyed at pretending to not see him, but i am stubborn as an ox and I wasn't giving in.

Finally, I saw him pull ahead of me, and I relaxed now that our game of chicken was over.

My passive aggressive middle finger was halfway raised when I realized it was one of my friends.

Guess maybe I should pipe down the road rage at 7:15am.

Trying to score dope

God dammit. I was late, it was raining, and all of the parking spots were taken. Frustrated, I drove around to the back lot, where I had never parked before. I shuffled quickly to the building with an armful of bags and my coffee cup, scanning the wall for the door.

I spotted it, scanned my keypads and grabbed the handle. Nothing. I scanned it again, and pulled on the door a second time. Again, nothing. What the hell??

I backed up and read the words on the door: "Addiction and Recovery Center."

Oh shit. Not the right door.

Embarrased, I lumbered around to the front door, and the key worked. Whew. I headed up to my office for the day.

I thought I was in the clear until I received a call from the front desk around 5pm asking me if I had tried to come in trough the wrong door this morning. What the- how did they KNOW? My face turned red and I burst out laughing as the receptionist explained that I had tripped an alarm and that it recorded that it was my key that had done the job.

So much for trying to fly under the radar for the first couple of weeks...

How soon is too soon?

2 and a half weeks. 11 days. That's how long it took for me to drop the first "that's what she said" on my new coworkers. Too soon?

How soon IS too soon to start letting your true colors fly at a new job? I mean, I went from PJs, Maury, and swearing like a sailor all day every day to: is pink sparkly nail polish appropriate? how soon can I start wearing flip flops? And most importantly, can these people handle my Michael Scott impressions?

Turns out, they can. Hours after my first TWSS, i received my first email about zombies from a fellow designer. Thus began finding a middle ground between the me that sleeps with a pink gingham pillow and business casual me.

Open Sesame

I sat in my car with the engine running screaming obscenities at the garage door that refused to open with my magic button. It had been a long, stormy drive home from work and all I wanted was to get inside of my GD house.

Suddenly, I heard honking behind me and I quickly composed myself. My neighbor gestured for me to roll the window down, and told me the power was out. I waved a sheepish thank you and proceeded to walk around the house to manually unlock the front door.

Sure as shit, the power was out, and had been for some time. I changed into pajamas (yes, it was THAT kind of day) and sat on the couch. What the hell do you do when the power is out?

I knitted for about 15 minutes then grew bored. It's just not quite as much fun when the Real Housewives of the OC aren't there to join me.

Finally, I found an LED headlamp that K must use when he goes mining for coal, or some other such absurd thing, and decided I would start Fifty Shades of Grey. (I'm sorry, Lor... I had to see what the hype was about!)

And that is how I spent the rest of my evening: starfished on the couch, trying not to sweat on myself, reading porn with a headlamp on. Not creepy at all.

The Commute

I rolled the window down and felt the breeze blow through the car, through my hair. My antenna is broken so I only get 3 radio stations, so I went old school and popped in a danity Kane CD. (don't judge me.)

And as I drove, tired from a long day an lots of new information and faces, I smiled to myself. I felt so thankful for my life, for the people in it, for K's support and pitching in to help balance the work I'm unable to do from home during the day now. I'm thankful for this opportunity for change, for the chance to fight for my happiness and start a new career. That feeling of inertia I felt a few months ago is long gone. In its place is a lasting sense of contentment. I am SO thankful.

Pure, unadulterated hell

I gripped the armrest of my tiny window seat and fought the tears back. I could see the baggage guys loading bags down below and I fought the urge to fog up the window and etch "HELP ME."

It was hour 4.5 of the entire journey home from Phoenix, I was exhausted, and we were on an hour delay. It was one of those layovers where you're forced to stay on the plane, too.

There were two babies under a year old on the flight who were equally as unhappy to be stuck on this plane. A woman sat down next to me who wanted to know everything about me, kept peering over my shoulder to ask what I was reading, and inquired from start to finish about my game of words with friends. It was another full flight, elbow to elbow, and the mother of the two month old moved her seat to directly behind me before takeoff. The babies behind me echoed my unhappiness and played off of each other for the entire flight. When one would calm down, the other would start up.

It was pure, unadulterated hell.

When I finally got home at 2am last night, I threw my arms around K and have never been happier to be home. I think I'll stay home and postpone any cross country flights for awhile, at least unmediated.