Monday, June 6, 2011

Police Blotter Monday: The Street Masturbator

May 19 - 5:55pm
A caller reported to police seeing a man step into the street, drop his pants and begin to masturbate in the Washington Avenue area the previous night about 9:30pm. The caller said she was not sure she could identify the subject but wanted to report the incident in case it happens again.

Oh, Stars Hollow--how you've evolved from a one horse town to a red light district. I guess it's mating season, so those who can't find a mate - drop their pants in the street and go to town.

I guess I can see it: a hot Wednesday evening in the spring, out for a nice walk before the sun goes down, and you want everyone in town to know how you're feeling--especially that nice old lady on Washington Ave.

What I don't understand is, why in the middle of the street? You could have at least stayed on the sidewalk so you didn't create a traffic hazard. Or even done your business in the privacy of your own home on whore island. And couldn't you have waited until it was actually dark, at say--oh, 10pm?

I guess when the mood strikes, you get caught up in the moment.

As for me, I'm super pissed I missed this spectacle. But I'll take the old lady's word for it, and keep my eye out for creepy strangers unbuckling their belts in the middle of the street.

1 comment:

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