Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Passive aggressive fantasies

He sat across from us, leering, sizing us up. I sank farther and farther into my chair, desperate to escape. He might as well have been wearing an open-buttoned shirt, chest hair sprawling, with gold rings, a dirty moustache and a cigar dangling from his mouth.

LEASE! He screamed over and over again, though I did not want to lease. I wanted to buy a car.

It was the first car salesman of my first car-shopping experience, and I HATED IT.

I felt like a little kid, unable to follow the conversation, growing bored with every diagram he drew, explaining why leasing a car was a better option.

It was one of those moments when I wanted to jump out of my skin, stand up and yell STOP IT!

Here was the fantasy scenario that I played over and over in my head after we left:
Charles: HEY, YOU SHOULD LEASE A CAR, NOT BUY ONE! *condescending chuckle*
Me: Charles, listen to me. I'm going to make this easy on you. I don't like you. I do, however, like Sean here, though he duped us into discussing finances with the dirty likes of you. I want to buy a car. I have money, I know exactly what I want, and I'd like to get one from this fine establishment. Now shut up, and let me give you thousands of dollars, please.

Here was the ACTUAL scenario:
Charles: HEY, YOU SHOULD LEASE A CAR, NOT BUY ONE! *condescending chuckle*
Me: *slinks lower and lower into my chair, avoiding eye contact, wanting to stab myself in the eye with Charles' pen.*

Why does it have to be so GD DIFFICULT? I HATE CAR SHOPPING.


  1. Oh man. I do that SO much - plan out a 'stand up for myself'-y speech and then just sit there and say nothing...

    Thankfully, I've never had to go through buying a car! (The whole not having a driver's licence thing helps with that, I've found)

  2. Melbs, I'm super jeal that you've never had to. It makes you want to punch yourself in the ovary. On a brighter note, I'm looking for something with ample leg room, so there's always room for you in the backseat if you want a ride.

  3. What the shit. Who is this guy? I'll tell him what's up. I'll ruin his life just like I ruined Johns life when I called out his salesman!

    1. Um SERIOUSLY! He was a douche. And he made a BIG mistake. HUGE!

      (see what I did there?)